Monday November 2, 2009

The things we lie about

BUT THEN AGAIN By MARY SCHNEIDER

IT’S amazing the things we lie about. It’s also amazing the things we remember. And I vividly remember a childhood advertisement on TV that involved a woman lying in a big way – to her vicar, of all people.

I wasn’t very old at the time, maybe about 13, but that advertisement left a huge, huge impression on my hugely impressionable young mind.

The ad’s opening scene shows a woman in her kitchen, her hair in rollers, taking a meat pie out of her freezer. So as not to give the pie company free advertising space and to protect myself from possible litigation, I’ll call the pie the “Meet Pie”.

I just Googled “Meet Pie”, and I’ve discovered that I’m just as clever and original as thousands of other people. There is actually a recipe, or several different pie recipes, for Meet Pie.

It’s also possible that large swathes of the English-speaking folks on Internet, don’t know how to spell the word “meat”. So, just to help anyone who might have this problem, there is “eat” in meat.

It would also appear that people like to call their dogs by that name, too. I’ve yet to meet a dog that looks like a meet pie, but who am I to judge other people’s name choices.

Then there’s the Meet Pie Ranch, a “thriving, hands-on farm and food education center”. A rustic place that aims to inspire urban and rural people to know the source of their food.

Now this bothers me a little. Don’t most people know that chicken nuggets come from chickens (the clue is in the name), beef patties come from cows, and buffalo wings come from buffaloes?

But I digress.

Back to the advertisement. The woman puts the Meet Pie into her oven, and then goes to her bedroom to put on grotesquely huge amounts of make-up, a pink flowing dress, trimmed with ostrich feathers, and a pair of high-heel mules, trimmed with some imitation fur. I feel a sneeze coming on just thinking about the whole ghastly ensemble.

Then the doorbell rings and the vicar arrives, complete with dog collar. Unlike many other religious figures, vicars are allowed to have physical relationships with the opposite sex. Or even the same sex, if that’s where their inclinations lie.

Anyway, the vicar sits at the table and the woman serves him a Meet Pie, with much fluttering of her eyelashes and swishing of her dress. The poor man is slightly overwhelmed by this vulgar display and tugs at his collar to indicate that he is feeling hot and bothered.

Yes, I know the script is not very subtle, but that’s how they advertised things back in the early 70s.

The vicar then smiles wanly and begins to eat his Meet Pie. There is a flourish of harp music (what else?) and the vicar relaxes his shoulders and begins to see his hostess in a different light. You know this is what happens because the camera zooms in on the woman with a misty effect – probably the result of the cameraman breathing heavily on the lens.

After finishing his pie, the vicar dabs the corners of his mouth with his napkin and beams at the woman, who flutters her eyelashes again in response.

“Did you make that pie yourself?” he asks.

“Yes, vicar,” she coos and turns her head ever so slightly towards the kitchen.

The camera then zooms in on the empty “Meet Pie” box that is half sticking out of the garbage bin.

While the vicar is moving in on the woman, the voice over says: “Meet Pie, so good it will make a dishonest woman out of you.”

I don’t care what others say, television does have an impact on young impressionable minds. When I saw that, I realised that it’s acceptable for adults to lie – under certain circumstances, of course.

There are lies, and there are lies. It’s the motivation behind a lie that counts. For example, if I lie about my academic qualifications during a job interview, I deserve to get the sack if my new boss finds out later that I was being dishonest.

But I think it’s entirely acceptable to lie to a friend about, say, my opinion of the new outfit she’s raving about, just to save her feelings.

Not only does the woman in the Meet Pie ad lie, her lie is borne out of lust – and it works.

Those must be some pies. I wonder if they still make them.

News

Monday November 2, 2009

The things we lie about

BUT THEN AGAIN By MARY SCHNEIDER

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