Saturday September 19, 2009

‘Niveau’ is not a skin cream

SAMBAL ON THE SIDE WITH BRENDA BENEDICT

German sayings can be real rib-ticklers sometimes. Amidst much giggling, our columnist lists some of her personal favourites.

I know. The title got you wondering. And no, that’s not a typo.

It is actually the title of a German book of Sprueche or sayings that I recently purchased.

I chanced upon it recently during my regular foray into a bookshop close to home. The book’s cover, which resembles the Nivea skin cream container complete with navy blue background and bold white lettering, caught my eye.

I edged closer for a second look while wondering whether the German predilection for perfection had failed, resulting in an embarrassing typo. Instead, it turns out that this is a commonly used phrase.

How nice to walk into a Government office where all the counters are manned — but, if not, the Germans have a saying for it. — OON KIEN YEE/The Star

Generally niveau means “standard’’ in German. It can also mean “‘to be cultured’ or to “exude class”. Thus the play on words — Nivea the popular skin cream and niveau is meant to be a jibe at those lacking social graces.

I can personally attest that the Germans I’ve met so far have a robust and wry sense of humour. Of course it does not help that most campy war movies have often depicted them as forbidding and as humourless as Frankenstein.

This, however, is not the case in reality. Sure, there are a few that you might be unfortunate enough to encounter — like the dour gentleman who sells tickets at our local S-Bahn station whose glare can freeze water. But then again, he is rude even to his own countrymen, so perhaps that’s just the way he ticks. Besides, sour pusses exist worldwide.

Generally most of the people I’ve met here are more than willing to reciprocate when you approach them provided of course you speak the language. So what better way to ingratiate yourself with your fellow host-countrymen than to pepper your speech with a couple of choice sayings?

Therefore, the book is now part of my collection of German “literature’’. It’s not Faust*, but it nevertheless is a language learning aid and is a welcome departure from doing regular verb conjugation exercises. Besides the laughs, it provides a street level insight into the mindset of the people.

The sayings are divided into various categories ranging from daily life, love and travel to careers, finance and even the afterlife. While there are just as many sensible sayings, I have been unable to complete an entire chapter without doubling over laughing after every couple of pages. Naturally, reading it in its original language packs more oomph but I will share a couple of choice sayings that have either given me “aha’’ or “tickle-me-pink’’ moments.

General words of wisdom often refer to life not always being easy. Colourful German variations include: ‘‘Das Leben ist kein Ponyhof/ Streichelzoo/Klosteschülerinnenpicknick’’. This translates to “life is not a pony farm. Ditto a petting zoo or a convent schoolgirls’ picnic.’’

Then there is the perennial icebreaker, the weather. One good one states that: “There is no bad weather. There is only a bad choice of clothing.’’

Looked at objectively, this really makes sense especially during the winter. And if I’d found this book earlier, I could have used the following phrase during the last Arctic-like winter we experienced here: ‘‘It is so cold, it could freeze a bronze monkey’s privates!’’

Punctuality is as much a virtue here as soccer is a national obsession. Not surprisingly several sayings chide tardiness. For instance: ‘‘Timing ist keine Stadt in China’’ (Timing (or punctuality) is not a city in China.) Geddit?

Holding doors open for the person behind is a common courtesy here. As such for those who simply let go of swinging doors while almost taking the face off the person behind might just be asked, “Did you grow up in a U-Bahn (subway train)?’’ This refers to train doors that automatically shut behind you.

Everyone has his fair share of road demon stories. Those who disregard traffic rules may find irate drivers mouthing, ‘‘Did you win your driver’s licence in the lottery?’’

Tired of impatient drivers hooting at you seconds before the light turns green? You might want to invest in a bumper sticker that says, ‘‘Honk all you want. My radio is louder!’’

One of my pet peeves is people who ask the obvious. This book provides a wealth of retorts.

A favourite of mine is, ‘‘Does an elk have antlers?’’ Or do overly chatty people get your goat? You could ask, “Don’t you have a hairdresser you could share this with?’’

There are many more choice sayings I would love to share but I have a word limit. However I’m sure my editor wouldn’t mind my sharing just one more nugget that some people can somehow relate to. At least the ones who’ve had to wait at government offices that boast 10 counters of which only one is open. Or where you have an appointment at 2pm but you are told to wait while the officer in charge has her coffee.

When asked how well you have slept, you could say, ‘‘I slept like a civil servant.’’

o Brenda Benedict is a Malaysian living in Frankfurt. She reiterates that all the sayings are attributed to the book and will not entertain hate mail from any aggrieved party.

*A renowned play by Johann Wolfgang von Goethe.

News

Saturday September 19, 2009

‘Niveau’ is not a skin cream

SAMBAL ON THE SIDE WITH BRENDA BENEDICT

Source:

Latest Jobs from Star-Jobs