With angst and insecurity behind you, the 40s is the time for doing and self-discovery.

F0R too long we’ve had this headline fooling us – forties is the new thirties. Especially in glossy women’s magazines, which tout that our age belies who we really are. And that, with a little tweaking here and there, mentally and physically, we could be whatever age we desire.

But, really, the 40s is not the new 30s. Nor was it ever the new 20s. And, most definitely, it will never be the “new” youth. Despite the many advancements in health, information and technology, people in their 40s these days are the easiest to spot.

They’re the ones squinting into their smart phones attempting to read or send messages, while adamantly refusing to resort to their reading glasses. Among the women, they’re the ones with fewer wrinkles than their younger counterparts, beautifully made up and sometimes dressed in their daughter’s clothes.

Both men and women in this age category are the ones pushing their bodies to their limits – at the gym, in half-marathons and on the yoga mat – masking their creaky, inflexible bones with cheery, false bravado with every additional push-up or kilometre they clock up.

This group of people, united by age if not mentality, excel at rebuffing the onset of unwanted ageing. Unwilling to accept the physical deterioration, they continue to cling to their youth, forcing their bodies and minds to rebel against society’s norms.

Technically, of course, middle age begins at 40, in the third quarter of an average lifespan. This is the period beyond adulthood, before we join Gen-Geriatrica, up to the age of 60.

Recently, with a sudden slew of birthdays, I’ve noticed an unbridled sense of urgency lurking within several fortysomethings I bumped into. Each one expresses a heartfelt desire to embark on the next big adventure, before their knees give way or age unwittingly overtakes their desires.

One friend wants to realise her dream of trekking through the Arctic wastelands, follow a polar bear and scan the skies for the Northern Lights. Another group of pals, mostly guys, are fervently planning their 2014 World Cup trip to Brazil to celebrate another birthday. And there are others: one is moving to a city she’s always wanted to live in, some are switching paths in mid-career and a few setting out on second marriages.

It’s almost as if time is running out, so we are forced to face our fears and put down our markers.

What’s great about being in your 40s, though, is that, thankfully, we can finally lay to rest the many previous fraught years. That time when we were full of pre-conceived notions, poured into moulds. We fretted and waited for our careers, families and – to a greater extent – our lives to set, beautifully.

Although things may not have turned out as we expected or hoped for, the best news is that, for most of us, the worst of the angst-filled years are over.

I once, not so inadvertently, told a writer who I was interviewing that turning 30 was not all that it was hyped up to be. Everything would begin to go downhill from then on, for the 30s does not come with the safety net of 20s naivete. Despite relative youthfulness and its accompanying attractions, careers, relationships and independence are always the hardest to navigate in those anxious years.

But, as my friends and I have discovered, as soon as you pass the 40-year mark, things have a way of settling down around you. Stripped of several of those enervating insecurities, the 40s is really the time to bloom.

“It’s where I am comfortable in my own skin,” said a friend recently when we met up for a drink. “Not caring about what others may think or say.”

Our other table companion, due to celebrate his Forever Forties birthday soon, was in full agreement. He has promised to make an effort to spend more time with his good friends, something he could not do before.

But the 40s is really self-discovery time. With your life’s main lessons learned and a collective experience to dip into, it is at this time that we learn most about ourselves. Knowing ourselves can precipitate re-invention, too.

Our bodies, like our minds, are adaptable. Together with accrued wisdom, it is time to do things our way. Time for doing.

Although not everyone in my age group may feel the same way, I strongly believe it is not too late for those of us who have reached the 40s stage. I even hear that the 50s are the new 40s ...

Delighting in dead ends, Jacqueline Pereira seeks unexpected encounters to counter the outmoded. Find her on Facebook at Jacqueline- Pereira-Writing-on.

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