Although the best Christmas gift is simply to be with the family, this writer is hoping against hope that his wife will also grant him his wish this year.

EVERY year, without fail, my wife would ask me what I want for Christmas. I always tell her what I want but I have yet to get my wish fulfilled. So, it’s like a charade being played out year in and year out.

I thought I was the only one with this problem as my wife is from Penang. It is almost legendary that the islanders, especially the women, hold onto their purse tightly.

Penangites may no longer bring eggs to the char koay teow man to save cost but, seriously, they are still really budget-conscious. I can vouch for that because I am Penang-born myself.

But men will be boys. No matter how old men are, there is a little kid in all of us. We like toys, no matter how grown-up we look.

If I had my way, like many men who are suffering from a mid-life crisis or have just passed through it, I would get a Harley-Davidson bike. I would don the black leather jacket, boots and the bull horn helmet. That would really make me look mean, especially with the sunglasses as well. Riding on that powerful machine with the wind blowing against my face, that’s life, man!

But the Home Minister has kept on rejecting my application. She wouldn’t even take a cursory look at the catalogue or pretend to have a semblance of interest in it. She just rejects outright without any sound or logical reason, such as the price.

And then she tells me the rejection is for my own good. Now, that’s how our Home Ministry officials usually sound. Every decision made is “for our own good”.

Apparently, middle-aged men, with their beer bellies and poor physique, are no longer very good at keeping their balance. That’s why they end up killing themselves on the road.

So, last week as I read about Datuk K, husband of singer Datuk Siti Nurhaliza, injuring himself in New Zealand while on a motorcycling trip, I quickly hid the newspaper from my wife.

Businessman Datuk Seri Khalid Mohamad Jiwa may look macho and think he’s still young but, seriously, after the accident, he had better look at himself in the mirror and accept the ageing process.

I know I sound like sour grapes. I would have loved to join those motorcycle convoys but I have given up. Getting even a Vespa may not become a reality.

One Christmas, I hinted to my wife that it would be nice to have an aquarium in our living room. I imagined watching fish swimming, with the aquarium lights on, while sipping wine and listening to romantic French music in the evening.

I was pretty sure I had sold the idea to her until she snapped me out from my dream. “Who’s going to change the water, ah? You think electricity very cheap, ah?”

I was just thinking of freshwater fish as I dared not even broach the idea of having sea fish and those lovely corals. Well, that thought did cross my mind but taking into account the odds, I tested the waters with the freshwater option, and even that led nowhere.

So this year, I toyed with the idea of getting a 60-inch TV set. Yes, the ultimate widescreen with a solid sound system, and I can watch Arsenal thrash Tottenham Hotspurs while drinking beer with my buddies.

The argument was sound, I thought. I would not go out to watch football at the pub and come home smelling like an ashtray but would instead invite the boys to the house. Surely that should be appealing to the other half.

Furthermore, even for the tight-fisted Penangite, it is obvious that prices of TV sets have plunged so much in Malaysia. If you are at KLIA, you will notice that every Bangladeshi worker there is going home with widescreen TV sets and Blu Ray players.

The price drop for electrical items is just unbelievable and they certainly make the best Christmas gifts.

We are talking about a 60-inch set that everyone in the family can watch together – when the boys are not watching football, of course – and in the afternoon while I am at work, even my mother-in-law can keep up with her silly Taiwanese Hokkien soap operas.

It’s just too good to be true and the realistic man in me was not even talking about investing in a 3D set, where you have to buy five extra pairs of glasses because the dealer would only give you two. No. I was just hoping for a 60-inch set.

The response was fast and furious. “You seow ah (crazy in Hokkien)? You think you are very rich ah? What’s wrong with the present set?”

End of story. Until two days ago, I thought I was the only man with this Christmas predicament. A lot of my male colleagues poured out their frustrations and thanked me for opening up on the subject of our Home Ministers. Talking about them in a group turned out to be like some kind of therapy.

A male editor lamented that he could not even get another smartphone because his wife said he already had one. Another wanted a good folding bike but was told to stick to brisk walking for exercise and still another who wanted a pet dog was told he would not be allowed to visit pet shops any more! Geez!

But the best Christmas gift is simply to be with the family. That is something money cannot buy.

To all my readers, let me wish you a Merry Christmas and Happy New Year.

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