THE other day, as I was approaching a checkout counter in a supermarket, the person manning the till stood up to stretch himself, and that’s when I noticed that his fly was undone.

I quickly averted my gaze, and by the time I began unloading my groceries, he was seated again.

While he was busy scanning my purchases, I wondered what would be the best way to tell him that his zip was down without embarrassing him.

“Excuse me! But did you know that your fly is open?” seemed like the logical thing to say. But there was a possibility that I would sound like some sort of pervy crotch watcher – a cougar woman stalking her prey.

Maybe a light-hearted remark might go down better, I thought. Something like, “Hey there, did you know that the baby cuckoo has fallen out of its nest?”

While I was debating the best approach to use, my partner, who had been browsing in a nearby shop, sidled up next to me.

“The cashier’s fly is open,” I whispered, “It’s probably best that you tell him.”

“How do you know it’s open?” he whispered back. “He’s sitting down. Have you been perving at him?”

“Of course, I have. But don’t you think that it’s better that a man tells him?”

“I don’t see that there’s any difference,” he said, continuing to whisper.

“There’s a huge difference. If I were walking around with my zip down, I would be less embarrassed if another woman were to tell me about it.”

As I paid for my purchases, I waited for my partner to say something, but he didn’t utter a word.

“Pssst! Don’t leave it too late,” I urged.

But he still didn’t say anything.

As we walked out of the supermarket, I said, “Why didn’t you tell him?”

“I don’t want him to think I’ve been studying his crotch,” he responded. “Besides, he’ll find out soon enough when he goes to the bathroom.”

“But you don’t know how many people will see him between now and then.”

“He’s sitting down most of the time, so I doubt anyone will notice.”

This is not the first time I’ve encountered someone who’s reluctant to tell another person that they are exposing more than they ought to.

I once attended a function that culminated in a buffet lunch. As I approached the salad bar, I noticed a woman with the back of her dress partially zipped up. Unbeknown to her, she was advertising her taste in underwear.

Now, there were a number of people at this event, and someone must have noticed this woman’s zip problem earlier, but no one had bothered to tell her. I observed the people at the buffet that day, and unless all of them had had both their eyes gouged out and were making their lunch selection by touch and scent alone, they were blithely ignoring the poor woman’s inadvertent display.

I approached the woman. “Excuse me,” I said. “Did you know that your zip is down?”

At first she looked shocked, and then embarrassed, and then grateful that someone had told her.

It’s the first and only time I’ve ever zipped up another woman’s dress in public.

Of course, sometimes I can get it wrong.

I was once having a drink with a girlfriend and her niece, when I noticed that the younger woman had a small, dark smudge on the end of her nose. The lighting in the restaurant was a bit dim, but it looked about the same colour as her eyeliner.

“Excuse me.” I said. “You’ve got something on the end of your nose.”

“I know,” she said. “It’s a birthmark.”

Oops! It’s a good thing that I didn’t mention, at the same time, that she had a raisin stuck to her elbow, because it was probably a mole.

Still, if someone sees me walking around with spinach in my teeth, or gravy on my chin, or my underwear on display, or a beauty spot on any part of my body (it’s probably a dead fly), I would want them to tell me.

I think I will start carrying a Post-It note around in my handbag, so the next time I see a man with his fly undone, I will stick it to my forehead. It will say something like, “Excuse me! Did you know that the barn door has been left open?”

And if he doesn’t get that, he deserves to be hung out to dry.

Check out Mary on Facebook at www.facebook.com/mary.schneider.writer. Reader response can be directed to star2@thestar.com.my.

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