Here are some things you should never do when you meet your interviewer.

A READER wrote to me recently to tell me she was going on a job interview and asked if I could give her some advice. I snorted loudly at this request and almost choked on my cup of coffee. You see, the last time I attended a job interview, I’d never heard of an iPhone, Mark Zuckerberg was still in diapers, Twitter was something that only birds did, and I had at least a trillion more brain cells than I have now.

Still, I do enjoy a good challenge, so I’ve come up with a few pointers that might help the uninitiated navigate the minefield that is a job interview.

If there’s one piece of interview advice that you must observe above all others, it’s this: never, ever accept the offer of a hot drink. Even if your interviewer grew the coffee beans in his back garden, and roasted and ground them in his own kitchen, politely refuse his offer of a cappuccino. Tell him you’re allergic to heat, or caffeine, or cups… anything to spare his feelings, if you have to.

The problem with a hot drink is that you can’t drink it immediately without burning yourself. And if you’re busy answering the interviewer’s questions, there probably won’t be a suitable break for you to take more than a few sips. As a result, you might find yourself at the end of the interview with an almost full cup of coffee in front of you.

So what do you do?

You could, of course, just thank the interviewer for his/her time, and make a graceful exit, leaving the coffee sitting on the interview table.

But the interviewer will be making notes: “Candidate was very wasteful and ungrateful – if he can do this with a cup of coffee, what will he do with the office supplies, or his expense account?”

Alternatively, you could drink the coffee at the conclusion of the interview. But whatever you do, don’t gulp it down – that’s considered bad manners. You will just have to take your time, smile between sips and make polite conversation about how you’ve never tasted such a wonderful brew before. Even if the interviewer looks so bored that he could chew his own arm off just for something to do, don’t forget your manners.

Of course, the interviewer will also be making notes: “Candidate seemed reluctant to leave. He must be one of those sad weirdos who has nowhere to go to and no one to talk to. A bit of a time waster.”

It also goes without saying that you shouldn’t drink anything, hot or otherwise, in the hour just before an interview. There is no excuse for having to ask to be excused.

Imagine if you will the following scenario:

Interviewer: “Where do you see yourself in 10 years?”

Candidate: “Er, I’m sorry but could you excuse me for a minute? I need to go to the bathroom.”

Interviewer: “Er, sure, but you just arrived here.”

Candidate: “I know, it must have been the three Margaritas I had at lunch.”

Interviewer: “You had three Margaritas just before coming here?”

Candidate: “No, I’m just kidding.”

Interviewer: “The bathroom is at the very end of the corridor. You can’t miss it. There is a big green sign above the door.”

When the candidate gets to the end of corridor, all he can see is a large “EXIT” sign above the door facing him.

Wanting to pee during an interview is bad enough, it makes you look disorganised, but attempting humour is unforgiveable. Humour is such a personal thing, and you never know how it will be received by a stranger. I mean to say, the interviewer might have lost his wife when she was ploughed down by a car driven by a man who’d had way too many Margaritas to drink.

If you need to pee, you will just have to smile and clench the necessary muscles. But whatever you do, don’t cross your legs, as this might be perceived as negative body language.

On the subject of body language, it’s also not a good idea to cross your arms, or touch your nose, or your ears, or your chin, or rub the back of your neck. Heck, just to be on the safe side, it’s probably best not to do anything with your hands at all, other than to shake the interviewer’s hand, of course. And please try to avoid the “dead fish” handshake. A firm handshake, along with good eye contact and a smile, makes a good first and last impression.

Finally, if you really, really have to go to the bathroom, as the result of an interview that’s dragged on for several hours, don’t take any longer than two minutes.

After two minutes, you’ve blown your chances, and will forever be known as the weirdo who came to use the bathroom.

Check out Mary on Facebook at www.facebook.com/mary.schneider.writer. Reader response can be directed to star2@thestar.com.my.

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