My guiding light: Shirley Tan who teaches in Subang Jaya, regards her mother-in-law Pavala Devi Ponnampalam as her pillar of strength

Today is Mother’s Day and teachers, both men and women, have been singing praises of their mothers who continue to inspire them.

A mother is the truest friend we have, when trials, heavy and sudden, fall upon us; when adversity takes the place of prosperity; when friends who rejoice with us in our sunshine, desert us when troubles thicken around us, still will she cling to us, and endeavor by her kind precepts and counsels to dissipate the clouds of darkness, and cause peace to return to our hearts.

— Washington Irving MOTHER’S DAY conjures up images of maternal warmth, affection and love. Mothers are in a way our teachers for they train us to deal with the ups and downs of life.

A teacher friend of mine Sebastian* a 35-year-old bachelor lives with mother but he is not ashamed to admit that it is in her that he finds the strength and wisdom.

Over coffee, he recently related to me how he once lost his temper with his head of department because he felt that she was propagating, rather than stemming, the rot that was seeping into the system in school.

“I still remember clearly that my angry tirade had sprung from the deep disappointment I felt at how she had kept giving excuses for the attitude of a colleague who had shirked her responsibility,” he told me.

Knowing him well, his mother allowed him to rant and then told him that he would soon get over it.

“Her approach never fails to calm me down. I only wish I could develop the inner strength that she has,” added Sebastian.

Thumbs up for mum: Rozihan often gets sound advice from mother Zaidah when she’s stressed at work.

When it comes to looking at a situation, Sebastian’s mother, a bank officer, handles her daily challenges with equanimity and composure, for she deals with far more stressful situations.

Like Sebastian, Ravinderan Nair is also a bachelor. Good looks aside, the Physics teacher has been in the noble profession for over 24 years.

While he is mindful of his students, he is most at home when he is around his beloved mother. He makes the trip every weekend from Petaling Jaya to Tampin, Negri Sembilan, just to be with his 86-year-old mum.

Losing his father at a young age only strengthened the bond with his mother Kartiani whom he turns to for solace and comfort. When faced with adversity at work, her advice is simple, yet profound: “Don’t respond to negative thoughts. Pray and be of service to others. Live your life in such a way that your fa-ther would have been proud of you.”

A tough life

English language teacher Rehman* who has been teaching for more than 15 years remembers his mother’s words — to stay calm when faced with adversity.

Rehman’s mother was forced to lead a tough life when his father became a paraplegic at the age of 36.

Not only did she tap rubber at dawn, she also sold jasmine garlands in the afternoons to put food on the table, to see her five children through school.

She has had her share of difficult times but to her, precious time is wasted when we complain and wallow in self pity, so the next best thing to do, is to move on.

A mug of love: Lecturer Ng Oon-Ee being served with a hot drink by his dentist mother Ng Kok Moi. Oon-Ee attributes much of his values and success to his mum.

I was reminded of this when Lily*, a teacher in her late 30s, called me up to vent her frustration.

“How does one take the injustices at work? It is so unfair,” she said.

I could not help but empathise with her. She was understandably upset because she had been deliberately burdened with unnecessary chores by a superior with whom she had crossed swords before.

The inequitable treatment at the hands of an overbearing head teacher was the primary source of Lily’s pain.

She was enmeshed in a web of anger and inner conflict as she carried out her duties in school.

If Lily did not learn to put her ire in perspective, it would hound her and never leave her in peace.

Teachers like Lily are not alone. Many teachers have asked me to voice their feelings about issues that frustrate them — the endless rounds of redundant paperwork, unfair practices, duties unrelated to teaching, ineffective systems, or the politicking at work.

Since all these erode the spirit and rob true productivity, I agree that they can be real thorns in the flesh.

Rozihan Mad Radzi, 30, for instance, sighed when I asked her about the new school-based assessment, and its effect on teacher morale.

She is not alone in finding the whole process tedious, time-consuming and trying. With her energy being sapped by the endless rounds of testing, marking and keying-in required, she admitted to getting testy at times with errant students.

Rozihan has been lucky enough to teach in a school near home for she also gets to eat mum’s food.

For this and her mother’s open-mindedness, Rozihan has given her Zaidah Sulaiman, 54, the thumbs-up.

Challenges

“Most mothers would pressure a girl of my age to get married but my mum is easy-going. She understands how challenging teaching is these days. I’d love to settle down and get married but with my numerous duties and responsibilities at work, I’m hard-pressed for time!”

However like any wise mother, Zaidah knows that it is not just the problem at hand but how one deals with it, that matters,

In the throes of being disappointed at having our goals subverted, aren’t we all somewhat bitter, myopic, angry and even deeply hurt immediately after? Let me share a story about Grace, a senior teacher. I have had only praise for Grace after witnessing an incident that she handled with great calm and ease.

She told me that it was her mother she should thank, for giving her the strength and confidence in managing stressful situations.

Grace then related how she had “discovered” that a senior assistant in her school had been instrumental in denying her a pay rise .

She was upset because of the deceit that existed when it was the same senior assistant whose directives she had been complying with and carrying out efficiently.

“Professionally, I knew it wouldn’t do me good if I aired my feelings to my colleagues,” she said

“I was also a trusted friend and many of my fellow teachers depended on me for leadership and direction, so I kept my disappointments to myself,” Grace shared.

The unfairness of it all ate into her so much so that even her mother noticed her pain.

The old lady after hearing her daughter out, told Grace not to let the actions of one petty individual rob her of her “emotional well-being”.

“Accept the inevitable and move on,” was her mother’s words of wisdom.

Pragmatic stance

A mother’s pragmatic realism is sometimes hard to take but Grace realised the worth of her advice.

There is no denying that she is an exemplary teacher.

Meanwhile, Abel, a Teach For Malaysia fellow may still be in his 20s but when he is stressed out by work demands, he remembers what his mother Ruth always tells him.

She has taught Abel to constantly pray for spiritual guidance.

Describing his mother, the principal of a school in Petaling Jaya, as “a woman of strong faith”, Abel has learnt from her that prayer not only calms the mind but strengthens the spirit.

As American educationist and poet Ralph Waldo Emerson so aptly said: Men are what their mothers made them.

Dipesh Sanghvi, another Teach For Malaysia fellow agrees. His mother, Anita Shah, has been teaching for almost three decades.

“My Mum,” says Dipesh, “backed me all the way even when I decided to leave my private-sector job to take up teaching.”

Posted to a rural government school, Dipesh has discovered how challenging teaching really is, but his mother continues to provide emotional support.

She gently reminds him, “You were placed there for a reason, so focus on doing your job well. Challenges offer you a learning opportunity like no other.”

Years ago, Benjamin Franklin coined the phrase: That which obstr-ucts, instructs.

Sukeshini Nair agrees. She is the principal of a private school now but was previously the head of a rural school in Beluran, Sabah.

“Mothers are our very first teachers and children brought up with the right values, are the ones who do best in schools. When they are taught from young to face challenges with grit and determination, they grow up to be strong,” says Sukeshini.

Educating the young is made so much easier when children emerge from nurturing home environments, she adds.

“Pivotal to success in school and life is the mother’s positive influence.

“When a mother’s stance is encouraging, honest and powerfully right, children develop and grow to become achievers,” shares Sukeshini.

Speaking for myself, whenever I had to deal with difficult people in my journey as a teacher, I asked myself three basic questions:

“Can any demeaning person ever take away the genuine respect students accord you as a good teacher, or rob you of the camaraderie you share with colleagues who know of your dedication and professional integrity?

Can they reduce the appreciation parents express to you when their children perform well because you were an effective teacher?”

Meanwhile it can’t be helped that pain and frustration are conjoined twins. When they arrive at your doorstep, cry if you have to, but then get up and get going.

My own mother used to say: Live your life right and life will treat you right.

Ah! How wise mothers are. Happy Mother’s Day!

* Names have been changed

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