EACH funny story below contains an error. Can you spot it?

1. “I know I promised to get you a coat of exceptionable quality,” the burglar said to his wife, who was crying, “but the darn store was still open!”

“Exceptionable” should be “exceptional”, which means “superior”. “Exceptionable” means “objectionable”: This DVD is suitable for children to watch; there’s nothing exceptionable in it.

2. “It is time you marry a nice girl and settle down with her,” the mother says to her only son. “Remember that all marriages are happy.”

“That’s right,” replies the young man, grinning. “It’s the living together afterwards that causes all the trouble.”

With “It is (high) time”, we use the past tense of the verb(s): “It is time you married a nice girl and settled down with her.” (Alternative: “It is time for you to marry a nice girl and settle down with her.”)

3. Driving his poker buddy home at 3 o’clock in the morning, Mike says, “Your wife is going to hit the ceiling.”

“That’s for sure. She’s a lousy shot.”

Numbers used with “o’clock” are spelt out: three o’clock. Figures are used when the time is written with a.m. or p.m. Example: Lectures start at 8.15 a.m. (8:15 a.m. in American English).

4. “Collecting stamps has been my vocation for many years.”

“I can’t understand why you are willing to pay more for used stamps than new ones!”

“Vocation” should be “avocation”. An avocation is a hobby. A vocation is one’s regular job or profession. Example: He is an engineer by vocation, but he plays the guitar for fun.

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