Tuesday July 3, 2012
Malaysian mistakes
RIGHT FOR BUSINESS
By ALISTAIR KING
HAVE you ever said to yourself when about to write a letter to a client: “I know what I want to say, but I don’t know how to start.”? So, you write:
“We refer to the above.”
“With reference to the above, ...”
“Referring to the above matter, …”
“With regard to the above, …”
Or, when you want to sound very “corporate” :
“Pertaining to the above-captioned matter, …” Or, when you want to use Malaysian Business Language:
“The above matter refers.”
I suggest that all of these amount to little more than a waste of ink. The last one is ungrammatical.
The first step in effective professional writing is to identify the topic. We do this in two ways: (1) by composing a title containing several key-words, which will subsequently be reused throughout the document in order to keep the reader focused on the main issue. (2) by composing a topic sentence, which extends, expands or develops the title and serves as an introduction to or summary of the document.
Business writers share with journalist the need to establish the topic.
Take this recent example:
Asian stocks tumble amid global rout
Asian shares tumbled on Monday, pushing the broader Tokyo market to a 28-year low, as investors extended a rout of global stocks and worried about a nightmare scenario of euro-zone breakup, US economic relapse and a sharp slowdown in China.
[The Star, June 4, 2012]
Notice how the key-words are used to show the reader what is to be expected in the document, to define the scope of the document.
Depending on how complex the issuea are, the topic sentence can be a lengthy one. We can apply this to our business documents.
Introduction of ISO Guidelines: Impact
This report describes the Introduction of ISO 9001 Guidelines in November 2011 and assesses the impact of production capacity with regard to efficiency.
Notice the importance of the two verbs (describes and assesses) as they show the functions of the document.
Don’t write this:
Feedback on Service
We refer to your letter dated 22nd March 2012.
Keep the title, but use a Topic Sentence such as: “Thank you for your letter of 22nd March 2012, in which you provide useful feedback on our after-sales service during the first three months of this year.”
When dealing with complaints, it is essential that you demonstrate to the client at the beginning of the letter that you understand the client’s issue; you should do this in the topic sentence.
Then you have the trust of the client that you will be able to remedy the situation.
Now, what about the common Malaysian first sentence “The above matter refers.”?
Please note that this is ungrammatical. The verb “to refer”, being transitive, requires an object. But there is none.
I suspect that this is a mistranslation of the Malay “Perkara di atas adalah dirujuk.” Note that dirujuk is the passive voice form and should be translated “is referred to”. However, to write “The above matter is referred to” is definitely a waste of ink.
Effective Topic Sentences do not use the phrase “the above matter” or “the above subject”, nor do they use the words “refer”, “reference”, “regarding”, “pertaining to”!
Dr Alistair King has over 25 years experience in education and training for multinational corporations and government departments in several European, African and Asian countries. He holds four university degrees, including a M.Sc. in Applied Linguistics and Ph.D. in Human Resource Management.
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