How to write job application letters
By LYDIA TEHMuch has been said and written about the poor standard of English among our young people today. Even university graduates write poor English. Human resource personnel are an unenviable lot; they have to sieve through piles of job application letters with atrocious English. Sometimes the English is so preposterously bad that it can induce hoots of laughter.
Below are some excerpts from actual job application letters. Positions have been changed to disguise the identities of the writers. After each excerpt, there follows an imaginary Human Resource Manager’s (HRM) response and a suggested rewrite of the sentence. Laugh and learn.
1. I am just a fresh graduate looking for space to grow.
HRM: Sounds like you’re a plant looking for space to grow. Sorry, our organisation only employs people.
Rewrite: I am a fresh graduate seeking new experience.
2. I really wish to joining your company and start my carrier.
HRM: What carrier is it you want to start? Lorry transport? Delivery service? Bag business? Hello, this vacancy is for an accounts executive.
Rewrite: I wish to pursue my career in your organisation.
3. I am already finished my Bachelor of Computer Science.
HRM: This applicant finish lah, got no chance.
Rewrite: I have just completed a Bachelor of Computer Science degree.
4. Please don’t be hesitate to inform me for the immediate interview at anytime.
HRM: You think your resume is so impressive that I’ll call you for an immediate interview? Think again.
Rewrite: I am available for an interview at any time.
5. I am fresh graduated in Diploma Management from ABC College.
HRM: Fresh graduated? Sounds freshly baked to me. Can’t even get your diploma name correct.
Rewrite: I have just graduated with a Diploma in Management from ABC College.
6. I wants to apply a jobs in your company.
HRM: You want to apply for how many jobs? Don’t be greedy. Apply for one at a time.
Rewrite: I want to apply for the position of Executive Secretary in your company.
7. I hope you can consider my application openhandedly and I really appreciate all your attentions.
HRM: How dare you imply I am underhanded in my job? I’m certainly not going to give you any attention at all. Into the shredder you go.
Rewrite: I hope you will give due consideration to my application.
8. Although I do not have any actual working experience pertaining to the real world, however I will perform well in your company base on the heart for working hard.
HRM: Do you mean to say you have working experience in another world? And have you had a doctor check if your heart can take hard work?
Rewrite: Although I do not have any working experience, I assure you that I am a keen learner and will work hard for the company if I am selected.
9. Before, I was further my study after SPM at XYZ Institute.
HRM: You furthered your study before or after SPM? Had to be after, right? Why start the sentence with before?
Rewrite: After my SPM examination, I took an art diploma course at the XYZ Institute.
10. If my soul of knowledge meet your minima criteria, please be inform that I’m willing to start with low range of monthly salary.
HRM: Knowledge has a soul? Are you a religious fanatic? Even if you offer to work for free, I think I’ll pass.
Suggestion: Scrap the sentence. And why offer to work for a low salary? The company may think there’s something wrong with you.
11. I would very much appreciate if you could put this matter due consideration.
HRM: Let’s put this matter to rest. You’re not getting the job as an assistant editor.
Rewrite: I would appreciate it if you would give my application due consideration.
12. I request your good self to consider my application sympathetically ? So that it will be of great boon to my ailing family, and I shall be ever grateful to you.
HRM: I only offer my sympathies to those who are bereaved, not to job applicants. What’s the matter with your family anyway? Are they all struck with an incurable illness?
Rewrite: I hope you will give due consideration to my application. (And keep your family out of this job application business, no matter how dire your circumstances are. You’re applying for a job, not asking for a donation.)
Lydia Teh is the author of Life’s Like That – Scenes from Malaysian Life, now available at bookstores.
RSS
