Sunday October 9, 2005
We donít talk anymore
IíVE been married for more than 20 years. Over the years, my relationship with my husband has evolved into a strange one. Weíve not even strangers, more like enemies!
We hardly communicate, sometimes for months. Yet he can communicate very well with others, even when they have nothing in common.
I have brought up our problems for discussion, but it usually ends with me crying in bed and him snoring away.
I have to admit he makes an excellent son, brother and friend. His parents are his world. As a father, he provides well financially but, as a husband, he womanises and shows no concern or affection for me.
I have forgiven him and tried to make the marriage work umpteen times. Although I have asked for a divorce, he refuses. He comes from a conservative and reputable family in the district. Should we divorce, his family will lose face.
In our last showdown, I gave him one year to make our marriage work. The grace period is almost up. When I pause to evaluate the past eleven months, I see no effort on his part to improve this relationship.
I have endured enough years of mental torture and ill treatment from this guy. In my early 50s now, all I want is peace of mind. Donít you think I owe myself a better life by putting my foot down firmly this time?
Too Tired to Carry On
FOR as long as you stay in this marriage, nothing will change. Your husband will continue to be his cold, callous, selfish self and you will be the forever desperate, suffering wife.
You are right. You do owe yourself a better life than living this farce of a marriage. You are already in your fifties and itís time that you start having a good time. Feeling pity for yourself is so sad and self-defeating. If you force yourself to go on like this, you may end up a bitter, miserable woman without love in your heart and soul.
You have given this man enough chances to make this marriage work. However, taking the real and final step out of your marriage can be daunting and intimidating.
When a marriage ends, it is often heart-rending regardless of how badly your husband has treated you. It often feels like the end of the most important chapter of your life as you have been together for so many years.
But for your sanity and happiness, do not be afraid. Talk to your children so that you have the support of their love and understanding.
Make plans to ensure that you will not be left without money and a roof over your head. Consult a lawyer if you are thinking of divorce.
Try to settle the separation or divorce amicably. It will not help your case if you try to run down his reputation and image. Be quietly determined and simply ask that he let you go since you are not happy together.