It’s confirmed. The Mega Sale Mentality is what makes us distinctly Malaysian. After all, what could be more patriotic than a Special Merdeka Discount, from the police no less, of 50% on saman trafik? And, in true Shoppersaurus Spirit, the counters to settle the fines have been conveniently set up even in shopping complexes.

Similarly, forget about getting us to apply for the Mykad early with growling threats of fines or high-minded appeals to do our citizens’ duty – just offer people a chance to win a Myvi instead. Done deal, kau tim!

Want to get Malaysians to contribute an hour of their time to, say, a Save the Forests or a Recycling campaign? Not so easy. But when certain giveaways are offered, whoa, watch the crowds come, witness how people are willing to spend an hour or more queueing up. For what? Two free movie passes worth RM18.

How we grab food like starved refugees at VIP open houses. Actually, it’s required by law that every one of these functions must have several jokers who will grab 30 or more sticks of satay the moment they arrive from the grill, leaving everybody else waiting and fuming. Selamat Hari Raya my friend.

Home Affairs Minister Datuk Azmi Khalid announced that Mykad applicants stand to win a Myvi. —Starpix by RAJA FAISAL HISHAN

We see retirees spending hours attending boring corporate AGM’s just to get goodie bags and KFC boxed lunches. And some property marketing staff cleverly use their flourescent markers on blueprints to show how a condo project is “almost sold out, last few units available!” when it isn’t really. Wahlau, better grab-lah before all finish . . .

And remember the incident at Nilai, Negri Sembilan in Dec 2003 when a State-level launch of the Malaysian Mega Sale Carnival saw ordinary Malaysians turning into looters?

Branded 29-inch television sets, DVD players, washing machines and air-conditioners were on sale at rock-bottom prices but the crowd of 10,000, some assembled since 3am, began climbing over grilles and pushing their way through to grab items. In the frenzy, almost everyone walked off with some RM100,000 worth of goods without paying.

You can call it greed, gluttony, tamak or kiasu (I prefer that lovely Mandarin phrase tan xiao pianyi, literally: greedy-small-cheapness) but you gotta admit, there’re nothing like freebies and sweeteners to get us Malaysians Moving!

Perhaps the communists failed because they had too much stick and not enough carrot. What chance did penalties and stiff idealistic songs have against the onslaught of sexy pop music and sugar-loaded Coca Cola?

Even stern and staid PAS is loosening up. As Kota Baru celebrates becoming an Islamic City later this month, PAS is doing an image makeover and some political soft-selling with a concert by Akademi Fantasia winner Mawi and even a fashion show. Good Heavens!

Well, not really. It’s just Good Old S&M – Sales and Marketing. The bottom line is: pleasure gets better results than pain. We’ve tried scoldings, lectures and lofty exhortations but our record on stemming dadah, AIDS, city floods, crime, corruption and dirty public toilets speaks for itself.

Rightly or wrongly, inducements and rewards tend to get better results and perhaps the government has recognised this with the Myvi-Mykad promotion and Merdeka Saman Special Offer thing.

So I say let’s bring on the Mega Sale Mentality big time. Here are a few suggestions on how some basic JUALAN MURAH!!! PROMOSI HEBAT!!! Clearance/Renovation /Expat-Going-Home Sale strategies, to be implemented by the relevant Ministries, can help the country.

BRAND NEW Perodua Myvi for the restaurant with the cleanest toilet. Add metallic paint, alloy rims, ABS and airbags if no shoe marks are seen on toilet seats.

GRAND PRIZE of Free Sabah Tour for everybody in a neighbourhood if they win a National Recycling (and Garbage Reduction) Contest. Consolation Prizes: Water Filters, Hotel Hi-Tea Vouchers or CD Giveaways for everybody if they can reduce garbage by 50%.

SHOPPING DISCOUNT COUPONS for retirees if they spend time visiting and chit-chatting with residents of old folks homes.

VOUCHERS for Insurance, Petrol, Wheel Alignment and Driver Re-Balancing (Aromatherapy Spa) for bus companies if none of their vehicles break down on the road in six months.

BUY-ONE-FREE-ONE luxury home offer for relevant leaders in Kuala Lumpur City Hall (DBKL) if they can keep the city free from flash floods for one year. Buy-One-Free-Three for relevant state leaders if illegal logging (which leads to floods or alternatively water shortages) is stopped. Yeah, free three. No choice-lah . . . you know how much money there is in logs?

SMS VOTING for the most efficient Government Department. Attractive Prizes, Vouchers, Coupons and Bonuslink Points up for grabs!

TWO CHOPS on a Coffee Bean-type Loyalty Card (redeemable for various free gifts) for Municipal Council staff who attend to complaints on potholes within 24 hours.

A VIP Hari Raya open house. What has happened to us-lah? — Starpix by MUSTAPHA AHMAD

PROTON SAVVY for all police officers if burglaries, snatch thefts and rapes in their area of jurisdiction are reduced by 80%.

GENUINE RM300 TRADE-IN VALUE (no false mark-ups!) for any old mattresses of garbage collectors if there are zero public complaints in six months.

COMPLIMENTARY MEMBERSHIP of Million-Ringgit-Square-Table (Rosewood), Double Platinum Diamond Circle or whatever-they-call-it elite, peak performance Multi-Level-Marketing clique (various perks complete with shimmery-haired, air-brushed photos in glossy magazine) for Sports Association committees if they can stop favouritism, mismanagement and politicking. And please, Double Datuk-ships for our football players if, by some miracle, we qualify for the World Cup.

FREE FACIALS every week for all Immigration Officers (or their wives) if they smile consistently when greeting us at the airport.

FOUR DAYS/THREE NIGHTS stay at a posh overseas hotel for Telekom managers if 75% of public telephones in their area are working.

25% COMMISSION to be split up among relevant enforcement personnel for every director jailed for sucking dry company funds.

15 MINUTES or your pizza free – the response time by police to emergency calls; otherwise, you can call up for a free pizza delivery on their account.

If implemented, wow, it will give real meaning to one of the Mega Sale slogans – the Whole of Malaysia is on Sale! Sure, we can argue that these things should have been done anyway as part of our duty. But hello, we are only human, and we need extra “incentives”.

Why is it that women’s groups point out that certain enforcement officers seem to be more interested in staking out courting couples and catching them for indecency rather than ensuring divorced wives’ maintenance payments are made regularly by ex-husbands?

Or why do people nowadays need to pay top dollar for “24-hour security” in “gated communities”? Why is there a perception that certain other officers are more often seen catching traffic offenders rather than patrolling neighbourhoods for burglars and snatch thieves? Yes ah? I dono . . . that one you say one, I only newspaper cannot say too much one ?

It’s time to face up to the fact that we are a Consumer Society whose True Temple is the Shopping Mall. Detractors may point out that this culture of Perpetual Special Offers induces people to shop – or pay their traffic summonses – only during “sales”.

Maybe. But that sure hasn’t stopped the never-ending flurry of discounts and promotions. Like it or not, all this stuff – the freebies, the offers, the little luxuries and perks – get our juices flowing. Rewards, monetary or otherwise, are powerful motivators. It works!

There’s no right or wrong about that. It’s just the way it is, the sheer power of S&M to tap into human desires. So why don’t we harness it in the right way for the betterment of the country?

Yes . . . ALL HAIL the the Mega Sale Mentality! It may just solve most of Malaysia’s problems. W

TehTarik is an occasional column that appears when something “khau” is brewing in the writer’s head. Comments and suggestions are welcome at pulltea@yahoo.com.

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