Saturday January 28, 2006
Rethinking the gym
By Trisha Rajah
All a girl wants is never to have to work out at the gym – ever.
Gyms are strange establishments where a game of “Who’s Going to Get the Cutest Guy/Girl” is constantly played. Honestly, today’s gyms are like meat markets! Everyone (even The Marrieds) seem to be in on it.
The naughty ones among you might think, “Hey, what’s wrong with that?”. But if all you are trying to do is get a good workout, the never-ending flirting and chatting can be pretty annoying. I have recently thought about quitting my fitness centre. But my friend Trixie will have none of it.
“You shall never be forgiven, Trisha, if you quit,” she threatened.
The thing is, unlike me, Trixie and a couple of girls whom we’ve made friends with at the gym, seem to find at least one person there attractive. And the fact remains that people seem to go to gyms to pose, preen and flirt rather than to sweat it out, and this seems to be contributing to the sliding standards of the gyms.
During some group exercise classes, I’ve noticed that some less-than-fit people prefer to squeeze themselves into the corners where they can work out virtually unnoticed. This is fine, except it’s important to have a clear view of the instructor and vice versa to ensure you are performing the exercises right.
But even if they wanted to, The People at the Corner would not be able to get up front because they would be obstructed by the ever-so-annoying Gym Bunnies. This particularly exasperating species will block your line of sight because they tend to jump higher than everyone else, just so they can show off their up-to-the-second outfits and their ability to defy gravity.
These bunnies are not difficult to spot. For one, they have waistlines that don’t need any more slimming, and they are apt to prance around like they own the place. They will inevitably be right up front, almost on top of the instructor. They really work hard to get there, too – elbowing their way as soon as the doors open.
Their great talent in life seems to be their mind-boggling ability to flirt and keep up with an exercise routine all at once. It seems obvious they’ve already worked themselves out and into their miniscule cut-off tops, and, yes, they know the entire class by heart. But none of it matters when class starts because these infuriating Bunnies are all about hogging the limelight.
Meanwhile, the poor souls in the corners continue to sweat profusely in their oversized shirts and not-so-svelte track pants. They writhe in their personal hell, praying no one will notice them and, sadly, no one ever does.
It’s hard to have self-esteem when you’re trying to get rid of 20 kilos in front of people who look like they weigh about that much. Sadly, the People at the Corner usually stop coming to the gym altogether after a bit.
The gym instructors, on the other hand, are a whole different ballgame. Some of them are genuinely good at what they do. They attend to everyone equally, even those who hide in the back. But there are also the instructors whom I have christened The Grand Fakes.
These people only pretend to be concerned. But really, they won’t turn a hair even if you have pulled a hamstring or have got an eye out of a socket while attempting to keep up with the class. Their stab at showing they care begins and ends with the question, “Who is doing this class first time, ah?”
And that’s it.
They ignore the show of hands and proceed to announce loudly, “Okay, today I want to see more energy, ah”, playing the workout songs at an eardrum-shattering decibel. But The Grand Fakes are nothing compared to The Narcissists.
These trainers don’t keep a careful eye on anybody. No, the Narcissists only have eyes for one body – their own. They begin the class and then spend the rest of the hour gazing admiringly at themselves in the mirror. Half the class may be tripping over their own feet or contorting themselves into an awkward position, but The Narcissists won’t notice a thing.
“Very good, class,” they murmur staring at their own sculpted figures, hypnotised by perfection.
So, yes, the gyms of today are no longer simply gyms. They are places to see and be seen, whether you’re lovingly gazing at yourself or someone else. It may not be for me but maybe it’s not all bad for others.
Friends tell me that all that eyelash-batting and flaunting of bodies in super-tight clothes can help to enlarge muscle mass as well as dating circles. Just think about it – you get to halve your size and find your other (better?) half all at the same time.
Not too bad for the price of a gym membership, huh? W
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