Sunday August 6, 2006
Mother of all deceptions
I AM 34 and have been going steady for nine years with a wonderful girl who is 27.
She says she comes from a respectable and conservative family.
Recently I proposed and she accepted, but I still had to seek approval from her widowed mother.
I was rather surprised to find that, at well over 60, her mother was still very attractive.
Over tea in her daughter’s presence, she spoke very respectably and she asked me the usual questions. She did not give me any definite answer.
Then, two days later, she phoned and asked me to go to her house. It seems she wanted to interview me alone.
I was not to tell my girlfriend of this visit. Of course, I went because I was eager to get her approval.
The first thing she asked was if I drank liquor. I told her that I did, but only occasionally. Immediately she brought out a bottle of whisky and two glasses.
A man only speaks the truth when he drinks, she declared, “so, today, we shall drink and talk”.
Reluctantly, I agreed. Before I knew it, she was asking me about my sex life.
Then, she told me that she had never experienced happiness because her late husband could never satisfy her sexually.
She claimed she did not want her daughter to go through the same frustration so she had to make sure that her prospective son-in-law could “stand up to the occasion”.
She wanted to “test” me, she said. Since I love my girlfriend dearly, getting her mother’s approval was very important to me.
Next thing I knew, she led me to her bedroom. She started “testing” me and I was desperate to impress.
Her verdict was that I still needed more “lessons”. She set a timetable for me and said that I had to be tutored by her.
She set a probation of six months and I was to go for “tuition” classes at least three times a week. All this was to be “top secret” and my girlfriend was not to know anything.
Now, I know the “tuition” was a ruse but I love my girlfriend and want to marry her at any cost, so I agreed.
After five months, she said my probation has to be extended for another six months.
I feel trapped. If I don’t agree, she may “fail” me.
My dear girlfriend, who is totally in the dark about my “schooling”, says her mother has advised her to wait until I am more stable in my business.
She is an obedient girl so I know I can’t change her mind.
Please advise me on the best course I should take.
Faithful Student
ARE you for real? You have been dating a girl from a traditional and respectable family for nine years and you haven’t been summoned to meet your future mother-in-law (MIL) all this time?
It’s time you got back at your crafty MIL-to-be before you sink deeper into her Venus flytrap. She has been playing with you for her pleasure.
But, if you should tell your girl the truth, what would be the repercussion? Who would she trust and believe?
Talk to your girl and voice your own frustration at having to wait for her mother’s approval. Explain that you do not wish to subject the relationship to the pressure of filial piety that’s unreasonable.
Insist that you visit her at home, so that her mother could see how committed and in love you both are. Bring up the issue of marriage openly, perhaps in the presence of relatives from both parties.
Do not continue the “lessons”. Tell your future MIL that you are disgusted with yourself, that you could never look her daughter in her eyes without feeling guilt and regret. Ask that the lessons be stopped for you are both committing a terrible sin.
Your future MIL is a very selfish, devious woman. If she loves her daughter, she would not be using you for her sexual manipulation.
She is either sick or so intense in her desires that she would sacrifice her child’s happiness for her own bizarre sexuality.
Tell this woman that you would prefer to tell the truth than continue to have sex with her. For as long as you allow her to blackmail you, you will never be free to love.
Do not be forced or threatened to be party to manipulated sex that’s non-consensual.
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