Sunday August 26, 2007
Find peace through God
I AM very angry with my eldest son who is going steady with a Malay girl. He has even declared that he no longer wants to be a Catholic.
Initially, my husband and I thought that he needed some space and we did not force him to go to church. We also consulted a priest and he advised us to be gentle and cautious in such a situation.
The first reason we do not favour her is that we are of different religions. Knowing that it’s impossible for her to convert to Christianity, even though she says she’s willing to, we have tried to advise her that it is not going to work.
She can hardly speak English and it is difficult for us to communicate.
Once, when I spoke to her over the phone, she complained to my son later that I had scolded her. What I had told her was that “he is taking a bath and we are preparing to go to church.”
She even accused me of telling lies when I told her that my son was not in when she called.
She has also been inconsiderate and annoying. When she couldn't contact him on his mobile phone, she would call our home at 2am.
She is always pressuring him to get engaged as quickly as possible as she is older than my son. She is 26 and he is 23.
Two months ago, we found out that she had succeeded in getting our son to register their marriage and change his name and religion.
It is heartbreaking for me to find out that he has even bought a pair of engagement rings.
I desperately need your advice on how to deal with him. We, the parents, are considering the drastic action of disowning him.
I wish to know whether I can sue him for not being responsible as a son to his parents. Deep down, we do not wish to do such a thing. As faithful Catholics, God is first in our lives and everything we do.
Angry mum
ALLOW God to guide you through these moments of pain and anguish. Let Him sooth your rage, anger and disappointment so that you can find peace with yourself and your child.
There must be many times in our lives when we feel tested and strained, in love and religion. But if we can be calm and rational, let us remember that God, regardless of religion, has taught us always to love and forgive.
As a mother, you feel so hurt by your son. He has grown up and has a will of his own. He no longer heeds your words nor does he care, in your eyes, about God.
He is about to forsake his family and religion for a woman you deem so wrong for him.
But he is an adult now. You can only love him, talk to him and try to guide. But you cannot sue him, berate him, or threaten him with brimstone and fire. He is in love. And he has grown up with love, taught by you and guided by God.
Now, he is being tested. Do you tell him now that he cannot, should not, love? That love is wrong and tainted, that the woman he has chosen is flawed by colour, faith and tongue?
Your son has already registered his marriage and there is nothing much you can do.
As your priest has advised, be gentle and cautious. If you should attempt to sue or use anger against your son, you may lose him altogether.
Try very hard to love and support him as always so that he knows he is not forsaken at a time he needs you, too. Let him learn by making his own mistakes and finding God’s way.
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