Saturday November 21, 2009

Fantasy island

By Mark Lean

Tired and bloated from partying and too many late nights? A cleansing programme at Koh Samui’s Absolute Sanctuary may be the solution.

No solid food, caffeine, and alcohol for five days, I repeat to myself while whizzing through the newly renovated Subang Skypark en route to Koh Samui in Thailand.

The airport holds many memories. I remember as if it were yesterday the countless happy and sad goodbyes made to family and friends over the years.

As I nurse a budding headache from the morning’s lack of coffee, it occurs to me that the next caffeine-free week is going to be interesting. Check-in at the Firefly counter is quick and easy as is the speedy two-hour trip to Samui. The airline operates flights to the island on Monday, Wednesday, Friday and Sunday.

The beautiful Absolute Sanctuary Resort in Koh Samui, Thailand.

As the ATR 72-500 plane lands on the island, I half-expect Tattoo and Mr Roarke to greet me. Instead, a smiling Absolute Sanctuary employee is at the airport arrival area.

I’m then whisked off to the resort, which isn’t like any old resort. There’s a sign displayed at the reception area indicating that the sanctuary has a no-alcohol policy. I guess there will be no sipping mai tai by the pool. Oh no, I’d been tempted to do just that upon seeing the pristine infinity-edge cool waters at the resort.

Claire Bostock, from Singapore, a banker-turned-yoga teacher and now director of the wellness resort, takes me round for a mini-tour. At the detox centre I meet Alister Bredee, the resident detox specialist who will supervise me on a five-day fast and colonics programme. Both have me feeling a bit squeamish.

“What if I get hungry?” I ask Alister.

“Then you will drink lots of the vegetable broth provided, and flavour your water with a slice of lime,” is his not so comforting reply.

Diary of a detox

It’s 7am, and I’m having a watermelon juice-based detox drink at the pool bar. I’d rather be having fried eggs, baked beans and buttery toast. Instead, I slurp on a beverage that’s rich in psyllium power, a potent intestinal cleanser and bentonite clay, a super-powered detoxificant.

It doesn’t taste so bad. I just wish it weren’t so watered down. I’m also handed a few packets filled with vitamins, digestive enzymes, cereal grass juice tablets and herbal laxatives to be taken during the course of the day.

Then, it’s crunch time: the first colonics session of my life.

The Absolute Sanctuary is all about putting guests in a calm and relaxing atmosphere.

Colonic hydrotherapy is a well-publicised treatment made popular by celebrities. It’s quite straightforward, really. The colon is cleansed through a process whereby body temperature filtered water, coffee, and probiotics are flushed through the colon.

The widely reported health benefits are numerous as the treatment induces the body to eliminate trapped wastes and toxins. The reality though is: I have jets of water flushed up my bottom for 40 minutes.

Is it fun? Not really.

After the second session, my headaches of the past few days whittle away. I experience a newfound lightness, probably because the remnants of that cheeseburger and its accompanying serving of onion rings I had eight years ago had been removed.

Cleansing the emotions

On top of the gut-busting colonics, I take the chance to learn more about the Emotional Freedom Technique in one of the organised afternoon workshops. Described as the emotional version of acupuncture to stimulate energy meridian points in the body by the simple act of tapping on them, the technique is easy, effective, and painless.

Best of all, it doesn’t cost a sen (www.emofree.com).

For weight watchers, there is a group “Lose the Fat” session, where the do’s and don’ts of healthy eating are explained. No starchy food, limit your alcoholic intake. Alister’s wise words: “Alcohol just turns into belly fat, you know.”

It’s Day Two, and the hunger pangs rear their fangs, relentlessly. The four detox drinks are definitely not filling enough nor are the numerous bowls of clear vegetable broth and coconut juice.

It doesn’t help that the resort is hosting an international yoga boot camp with participants coming from as far as Geneva and Florida. Each night, a yummy buffet is offered: spreads of som tum, grilled mussels and scrumptious salads. Time to try out the tapping techniques, I tell myself. The mussels can wait.

My emotional attachment to food is a point of contention in the intervening days. I’m not hungry; I just think I’m hungry. Or so I rationalise. To calm the mind, there are daily yoga classes. In one of them, halfway through a stretch, thoughts of chocolate cake served with ice cream arise.

To counter it, I take the teacher Marc’s advice of visualising breathing in deeply through the navel. I end up feeling hungrier.

By the end of day three, the weight is dropping and my energy levels are sinking. A quick chat with Alister informs me that I’m experiencing a “healing crisis”, a process whereby the body heals itself by displaying symptoms of previous illness, health and emotional problems. This definitely isn’t a run-of-the-mill holiday.

My Moroccan-themed room, one of 38 on the property, is a great place to take stock of things. In between colonics sessions, yoga classes, chilling out by the salt-water pool (minus the mai tai), detoxing in the steam room, I get the chance for some “me” time, something everyone should treat themselves to once in a while.

The free WiFi lets me catch up with work, while chatting with sanctuary’s other guests who come from all over the world is another distraction.

At the end of the five days, I don’t even think about having coffee in the morning. Instead, I relish the thought of a final colonics session. Do I emerge cleansed and refreshed?

You bet. But I do have a little confession. On the final evening, I sneak out to meet some friends. The crime committed: a bottle of ice-cold Singha. Everything in moderation, right?

Absolute Santuary
88 Moo 5 Bophut
Koh Samui, Suratthani
84320 Thailand
Tel: (+66) 7760 1190
www.absolutesanctuary.com

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