Sunday February 8, 2009

Love has kept them together

By CHIN MUI YOON

Thanks to commercialism, roses, diamonds and candlelight dinners are associated with Valentine’s Day. But sustaining true love is not a bed of roses and staying married is increasingly difficult in these modern times. However, with sacrifice, patience and forgiveness it can be done, share three couples.

THE young and pretty lady often walked past the glass-fronted office of the KLM Airlines in Hotel Merlin, Kuala Lumpur (now Concorde Hotel), where Alan Leong worked. Leong, then a ticketing clerk for the Dutch airlines and Teng Say Goh, a hairdresser, were deeply attracted to each other but were too shy to say hello.

“Of course I noticed this tall, handsome young man constantly smiling at me whenever I passed his office to use the washroom or at the cafeteria, but he never made a move,” recalls Teng with a smile.

On Leong’s part, he says, “she was fair, petite and pretty and as a young man in my early 20’s, of course I had ideas of asking her out!”

As newlyweds in 1967.

It wasn’t until Teng was absent for six weeks for an appendix surgery that Leong started feeling anxious. When Teng returned to work, a mutual friend set up a dinner date. Her colleagues ordered loads of food and Leong paid for them. Later, Teng apologised profusely to him.

“I was touched that she was concerned how her friends had taken advantage of the situation; she was more than just a pretty lady,” says Leong, now 68.

The pair started going out regularly, without their colleagues of course. Leong would take Teng on his motorbike around Kuala Lumpur, which in the 1960s was not very happening. Dates were often at coffeeshops, and movies at the Pavilion or King Wah cinemas on Batu Road, both places long demolished to make way for other development.

The couple came from different backgrounds. Leong was from a middle-income family with 17 siblings. Teng grew up in poverty and started working after school as an apprentice hairdresser earning just RM18 a month with duties that included washing dirty towels and cooking for 13 staff members.

“As I got to know Teng better, I realised how much inner strength and resilience she has,” says Leong. “But I wasn’t intimidated by her. She has gone through hardships in her life and I knew I could depend on her to build a family together. She always said she didn’t want her children to go through a similar hard life.”

They married on March 17, 1967, with a big dinner at the Hotel Malaya and honeymooned in Bangkok. Within a year, they had Grace, now 40. Teng worked her way towards opening her own salon named after their eldest child, which is today one of the city’s most enduring and well-known salons.

“In those days, people took relationships seriously! It was very different than what’s common nowadays,” opines Teng. “If a man and a woman got together, it was with the eventual aim of marriage and starting a family.”

Which was what the young couple did immediately as they both loved children. But the stress of juggling work, caring for a newborn baby and managing a home took its toll on the couple. Leong’s work as a cargo manager and later airport manager for the airlines required long hours into the early morning, as klm flights to Europe departed after midnight.

“Most of our quarrels were over his work,” recalls Teng who is a youthful-looking 60-something. “He had to entertain clients a lot. My mother certainly didn’t like it that her son-in-law was always reeking of alcohol whenever he showed up at the door.”

Leong acknowledges his work hours strained their relationship in the early years.

“I had to constantly remind my wife whether she preferred me to work hard, long hours to provide a better life for her and the children (after Grace, they had Liza who is 32, and Shawn, 27), or take on a 9-to-5 clerical job that afforded more freedom but little savings?”

Teng understood the demands of her husband’s job but didn’t always accept them passively.

After 42 years of marriage, Alan Leong and Teng Say Goh remain devoted to each other. Inset: As newlyweds in 1967.

“One time, some of the airline crew members rang me at home at 4am on a non-urgent matter. My wife grabbed the phone and told them off!” recalls Leong with a laugh.

Despite his determination to provide well for the family, when a cargo agency offered him a position as general manager with a much higher salary, he turned it down.

This was because Teng was against the idea as it would mean even longer hours for her husband, and more time away from the family. Leong stayed with KLM until he retired at 60.

Meanwhile, Teng had her own amibitions. In 1970, she opened Grace Salon in New Town, Petaling Jaya.

She did so well that she was able to relocate to Jaya Supermarket in Section 14, which was PJ’s most prestigious shoppng centre in the 1970s.

Grace Salon offered the services of a “London-trained hairstylist” in a classy-looking salon, unlike the usual upstairs shoplot premises of other hairdressing “saloons”.

Teng herself became well-known as the formidable Mrs Leong who built up a loyal clientele that included socialites, celebrities and professionals.

The salon moved to even bigger and more swanky premises in 2003 at Bangsar Shopping Centre, Kuala Lumpur.

Teng was able to hone her hairdressing skills because Leong could get discounted airfares for his family so she often accompanied him to Europe on his business meetings.

“I’d drop her in London so she could attend hairdressing conferences and London Fashion Week to pick up the latest styles while I headed to KLM’s headquarters in Amsterdam. And then we’d meet somewhere to have a holiday,” says Leong.

On one visit to Amsterdam, Leong brought along 5,000 Dutch guilders (about RM5,000 at that time) which he had saved over three years. He headed to a diamond-cutting factory and asked for the best piece he could afford.

Upon reaching home, he placed the velvet-lined red jewellery box on the dining table.

The Leong family in 2004 at Shawn’s graduation. Back row: Leong Chee Keong, his wife Grace, Shawn, Liza and her husband Ooi Thiam Yew. Front: Grace’s children, Matthew, 11, and Melissa, 14, flanking their grandparents.

“I hinted to my wife: ‘What is that strange red box on the table?’ ” he recalls. “I went inside the bathroom and when I emerged, she just flew at me with a big hug! You see, when we got married, I couldn’t afford to get her a real diamond. She never asked for it. But all women like diamonds and I really wanted to get her one.”

That was the first of many beautiful diamonds to come, but to Teng, the first was the most precious, she says, her eyes sparkling at the memory.

“He used to get me roses for my birthday with the number of stalks representing my age. But when the number got too big, I had to tell him to stop getting me flowers!” she says with a girlish giggle.

Still, life was no bed of roses.

“We used to argue over various issues, especially those concerning the children. Both of us have very hot tempers so compromising is hard for us but we never let the issue get the better of us. We still argue!” she says candidly.

But through thick and thin, Teng has always been appreciative of her spouse’s sterling qualities.

“I’ve always been drawn to his honesty and faithfulness. That is something we both believe in: being completely faithful to each other.

“He is also very modest and hardly talks about himself. He has always been supportive of my career and he is devoted to his family.

“I’m still impressed he remembers all the details about his children, like their favourite foods, which he regularly cooks for them. Yes, he does love to cook!”

Now in their twilight years, the Leongs remain endearingly romantic, a fact that is well-known among friends and clients. They hold hands everywhere and enjoy dinners and movies together.

“Every time I look at my wife I know I made the right choice,” reflects Leong. “I wanted to marry young because I believed marriage could make me a better man. Well, I’ve given up smoking and drinking for my family.

“Like any couple, we’ve had our share of fights. But we never allow any to get out of hand because we love each other deeply. One of us would always back down and walk away; usually me! But I never drove off to a pub to drink. I’d switch on the TV, and after a while when we were calmer, we’d talk things through.”

The couple shares a single bank account and Leong manages the family’s finances. Since his retirement, he has been working alongside his wife, and daughters (who both left accountancy to become hairstylists) in managing their busy salon.

Shawn is an auditor based in Singapore.

In a way, the Leongs are a couple ahead of their time in that neither believed in stereotypical roles for themselves.

“It takes two persons to raise a family but it doesn’t mean the wife has to be confined to the kitchen. We should do whatever we are naturally inclined towards. For me, I like doing the cooking more than my wife does,” says Leong.

And Leong certainly knows his wife’s tastes. Till today, when he is preparing Teng’s favourite dish of steamed chicken, he will save the thigh and place it on her plate before anyone else gets it. Romance is still very much alive even after 42 years of marriage!