Saturday May 16, 2009
A second parenthood
By KEE HUA CHEE
After 50, most women would be readying themselves for grandchildren, but Filipina business-woman Becky Leogardo, founder and owner of BML and Alexa Skincare, is doing motherhood all over again.
Becky Leogardo and Dutch criminal lawyer Michael Mantz were divorcees when they met by chance at the Kuala Lumpur International Airport (KLIA) in 2000.
“Our encounter was determined by fate,” says Michael.
“I was touring China with my son Christian, then 17, and my travel agent had forgotten to book my return flight from Hong Kong to Amsterdam. I had an important case to get back to so I was forced to take the long route home from Hong Kong to Manila, to Kuala Lumpur and Amsterdam. What was supposed to be a 13-hour flight became 23 hours, but it was all worth it because that’s how I met my future wife,” he beams.
Daniel Mantz, young pianist. “Becky was on her way to Paris and Milan, and by chance took KLM instead of Air France. I smiled at her in KLIA but we only got a chance to speak when she walked into economy from business class to chat with a friend.
“By the weirdest coincidence, her friend was seated next to me! It was as if we were fated to meet,” says Michael.
The two kept in touch after the brief encounter. A few months later, when Becky went to London, Michael flew in to meet her. They fell head over heels in love, and in 2003, registered their marriage in The Hague.
Michael has two sons, Eduard, now 28 and Christian, 26, while Becky has a son, Jeffrey, 28, and daughter, Alexis, who will be 18 in June.
As the kids were all grown-up, the couple, who were in their early 50s, decided that having a baby would really seal their marriage.
“I’m motherly, and I knew a baby would complete my life and cement our love,” Becky recalls.
Becky and Michael with Daniel, the apple of their eye. — BECKY LEOGARDO Her husband agreed, and they decided to broach the idea to their kids. Then all hell broke loose.
Accusing her mother of not wanting her anymore, Alexis lapsed into hysterics. Her brother Jeffrey coldly remarked that his share of the family fortune would be reduced to 33.3% now, which enraged his mother.
“I had taught him the value of money so I was disappointed. But he quickly grinned and said he was joking and would support me in my decision. He knew it would be an IVF baby involving a surrogate, so there was no question of any risk to my health. He asked me to think it over but I knew he was not happy,” sighs Becky.
Michael’s sons drew long faces and shook their heads.
Why, they demanded to know, would their father go through the entire thing again when he had just raised two great sons? They pointed out that by the time the child was 20, Michael would be in his 70s!
“It was very frustrating. They kept reminding us we would be ‘old’ parents and might not have the energy to raise a new baby, so we put the idea on hold,” says Becky.
Then something happened in January 2006 that convinced them to go ahead with their plan.
“I was sitting in the car waiting for Michael in The Hague and happened to look at his garden gnome and thought how lovely if I could have a baby with Michael’s hair colour.”
When Michael entered the car, he told her, “You know what? When I was showering just now, I thought again about how great it would be to have our own baby and . . .”
“I was thinking the same thing a second ago!” Becky exclaimed.
They stared at each other in disbelief and decided they would have the baby. This time they kept quiet about it. Becky went to Manila for a medical check-up and was told she was in fine fettle. She and her husband then headed to Hong Kong for the best fertility clinic.
Michael was given a test tube, Playboy magazines and shown to a small room. He was outraged.
“Why should I fantasise about other women when my beautiful wife was right there? So we both entered the room and did the needful!” he recalls.
They returned a few months later with their choice of surrogate mother, but the candidate was ruled out by the doctor. Later, the doctor suggested Becky was healthy enough to carry the child herself. Much anguish and dilemma ensued, but they decided against it and proceeded with the original plan.
On December 31, 2006 they received news that the surrogate mother’s womb had accepted an embryo. (See story below: Surrogacy in brief)
“It was the best New Year present ever! The doctors said the baby could be born any time between Aug 5 and Aug 15 (2007) by Caesarian section, so I chose Aug 8,” says Becky.
It was just as well that Becky chose not to carry the child herself because she had an encounter with snatch thieves in Paris the following February, which left her injured and traumatised.
“It was not life threatening but for sure I would have lost the baby! My baby almost never entered our life! He is a miracle baby.”
Finally on 8/8/07, a bouncing baby boy came into their lives.
“I feel so blessed to have a healthy baby on my very first attempt. Some have to try IVF many times, so we were very lucky,” says Becky.
“I named him Daniel, which means ‘Judgment of God’ as he must have been judged by God to be born to us safely,” adds Michael.
“In Biblical times, Daniel courageously removed a thorn from the paw of a limping lion. Later, he was thrown by the Romans into a starving lion’s den to be eaten but it was the same lion he had helped. It recognised him and came to lick his hands instead.”
A second lease on life
Becoming parents while in their 50s is like getting a new lease on life for the couple.
“It’s like we have been given a second chance to relive the joys of parenthood and relive life itself,” beams Becky.
“When Jeff and Alexis were growing up, I was a businesswoman busy building my little empire, so they were left with their nannies. I was not able to be a full-time mother as I was so preoccupied with work, networking and the bank account!
“I was tired when I returned home and didn’t have time nor energy to play with them. I consoled myself with the thought that when I made money I could spend time with them but of course it was too late as they had grown up by then!
“Now I have all the time to be a full-time mum and can play with Daniel all day till he gets tired and falls asleep. My businesses are stable, and the professionals run them so I get to be a hands-on mum. Being a mother all over again makes me feel young and energetic. It’s déjà vu, and I love the feeling.
“I look forward to taking two-year-old Daniel to kindergarten, primary and secondary school and doing all the things I did 20 years ago. Michael and I look after our health as we wish to see Daniel grow into adulthood and have children.”
Meanwhile, Jeffrey thinks his 33.3% share of the family fortune is in danger of being reduced further to 25% because his mother is now so besotted with babies that she is thinking of a repeat performance next year.
“I hope it’s a girl but it doesn’t matter as long as the baby is normal,” he sighs.
Surrogacy in brief
When a woman is unable, unwilling or advised against getting pregnant, the solution is to find a surrogate mother — a woman who has ideally delivered babies before and will now carry the embryo of another couple.
The surrogate mother signs a legal contract not to make any claim on the baby in exchange for money. Quite often the surrogate mother does not know the identities of the biological parents.
There are two types of surrogate mothers — traditional and gestational. In the former, a woman donates her own egg and carries the pregnancy. The egg is fertilised through artificial insemination with the sperm of the father or donor. A traditional surrogate mother is genetically related to the baby.
A gestational surrogate or carrier is not biologically or genetically related to the baby (as in Becky Leogardo’s case). A gestational carrier becomes pregnant through in-vitro fertilisation where one to four embryos are implanted in her uterus for the gestational period of 40 weeks. Usually three to five embryos are implanted to improve the chances of pregnancy.
Upon delivery, the baby is given to the biological parents.
The two surrogacy arrangements are commercial and altruistic. In a commercial surrogacy, the carrier is paid for her effort, time, travel, medical and pregnancy period. In the US, it is between US$10,000 (RM35,000) and US$30,000 (RM105,000) but it is much cheaper in Asia, Africa or South America.
An altruistic surrogacy does not involve payment per se and the carrier is usually a relative or friend of the intended parents.
In the Bible, Sarah, Abraham’s wife discovered she could not conceive and arranged for her hand maiden Hagar to be impregnated by Abraham. She gave birth to Ishmael. The first modern day surrogacy was in the US in 1976.
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