Sunday September 16, 2012
Looking to learn?
CRAZY, SEXY, HONESTLY
Being ogled at is fine, as long as the person doing it eyes a better understanding of what he sees.
HIII ... Ida!?? Oh ... err ... You look ... errr ... errmmm ....Ē ďShort?Ē I suggest, obnoxious smile behind gritted teeth fixed on me face. ďOr ... fat, maybe?Ē ď... Lesbian?Ē my companion offers. We steal glances at each other and have a silent giggle.
ďErr ... no ... I mean, you err ... I err ...Ē and said person launches off babbling about being busy with open houses. Oh? Goody for you! Thanks for sharing that useless bit of information with me. Oh and Iím sorry for my in-your-face reaction, sometimes I canít control it. Itís like a wicked friend who constantly pushes me to test people.
Yes, this happens a lot. Especially when I bump into people I donít generally bump into. It gets awkward. They feel awkward. I get awkward and ... yes, I will admit it, a bit defensive. I know, it must be tough to see someone whom youíve always been able to see eye-to-eye with but have to now look down to speak to.
I say this because Iím starting to get a crick in my neck, looking up to people all the time. I feel like a little ďbirdlingĒ, waiting for a worm to gobble down. ďFeed me! Feed me!Ē
Yes, I get a bit short with people sometimes (pun intended). Especially when I know them, and they go all funny on me. I know, it must look quite a sight to see a shorter, (currently) wider version of me ... and I realise you canít help it, but I hope people can understand that we, ones short as I am these days, canít help our reactions to your actions either.
Truth is, I still see me as me. Although yes, I cannot really see me because ďIím behind my eyesĒ and but for the fact that manoeuvring is a tad interesting to say the least, I still am and have always been that flurry of action whizzing around. What am I running away from?
Why do I rush about when Iím out in malls and such? To avoid such hopeless situations perhaps. I have already spoken of this previously ... so, Iím going to step out of my wheels this week and see it from your point of view. Because I KNOW how excruciating awkwardness and discomfort can be when we are trying to be politically correct.
So I guess this subject runs in with what I often speak of. Just tell it like it is. Why bother with being PC?
Ok, example. I was getting into my car the other day and a couple strolled by and stopped just beside my car as the man was making a call. His companion had her eyes fixed on me as they passed. Like really looking. Transfixed. Yes, okay she was staring.
Due to a conversation with near and dear recently, I brushed aside my def-con missiles engaged mode, put on a brave smile and quipped, ďFascinating isnít it?Ē She said, ďNo!Ē and looked away quickly. Sigh ...
Iím trying to remember what it was like for upstanding me when I bumped into friends who had become short for whatever reason. I remember a TV station open house one time and I found myself seated at the same table as Deep. I had not seen her at all since her injury. And I admit I was a little unsure how to tread. So I did what I thought was safe Ė totally ignored her wheels, sat down and carried on talking about other stuff. Like who was that stud muffin companion? And how did they meet?
Okay, Iím exercising creative licence here and embellishing the truth a bit. The thing is, I admit I was unsure how to continue conversing nonchalantly with that pink polka-dotted elephant in the room staring at me.
But I remember thinking Deep looked fabulously coiffed and more importantly, happy. So why didnít I tell her that? Iím really not a nosy enough person to prod further about her personal being, or how she came about to sit mostly because itís not the most important factor about her as a person. So why the awkwardness?
I digress. The point of this piece is to try and help us all understand how to deal with awkward situations that come with the meetings of ordinary and extraordinary beings.
OK. The extraordinary communities are always lamenting how people donít understand nor appreciate their needs or how ordinary people are unable to get over their own discomfort to just see beyond the wheels the person is sitting on, or the braces or arm crutches he/she is using, only to walk funny.
Well, Iím going to take the bull by the horns and say, if you want to look to understand or to learn how we get in and out of cars, please go ahead and look! If I react funnily, just tell me that is why you are staring at me and I promise you Iíll ease up on the fire-arms. I promise Iíll do my best to remember you are only human and possibly curious if youíll grant me the same respect. Deal?
You know, I am SO grateful to You for the people You surround my life with. Some are strong and firm friends. Some are those who were a big part of my formative years, who disappeared and somehow, we found each other again.
They are all not concerned with the social awkwardness that comes with my new physique. They donít get repulsed or feel put out (okay, maybe a bit put out, but thatís logisticsí fault). People who look beyond the wheels, and into my eyes, and still see me. People who are neither afraid to stare at me nor apologise for doing so because itís done with love and weíll talk till the cows come home.
Having put it off for far too long, Ida Nerina has finally surrendered to diversifying herself creatively. She continues to be grateful for lifeís small mercies. And short people. You can follow her innocuous ramblings on fakebook and other rampant psycho babbling with that blue bird, as she seems to have become a twit with a camera too.