Sunday January 13, 2013
Confused over friendship status
I MET J during a gathering. He is a year younger than I am. Initially, he used to call me sister, and I was not very particular about it. But once I got to know him better, I started to develop feelings for him. He talks to me almost every day on the phone and Facebook chat, and sometimes he uses the “sister” term and it distresses me so much.
For the past two months, he has not called me sister and once he has even asked me what I thought about him and if I would consider dating him. He said it was a serious question but it had no intentions. I am unsure if he is treating me as a sister or a friend. Even if he does not see me in a romantic light, I would rather that he treats me as his friend instead of sister.
He doesn’t show any sign of negligence or that he doesn’t care about me. He has always said that any guy would be lucky to have a girl like me. Once I asked him why he has stopped calling me sister, and he said it was because we are only a year apart and it does not make much difference. But I also asked him whether he was treating me as a sister or friend, and he said both. I am very confused by that answer.
I’m not planning to tell him how I feel, because it would affect the friendship I have with him. I even told him I was not treating him as a brother, but a good friend, and he just took it sportingly. He talks to me very openly about a lot of things and he feels comfortable sharing with me.
How am I to know for sure? I don’t want to ask him again, because that might give him a different impression. But whenever I mention the word “sister”, he pauses and takes some time to respond. What do I do?
It is quite obvious that he does not see you as a “sister”. That in itself is already a sign of something. But when you look at a few things you say he has said, it does raise a question as to how he really sees you – as a friend or something more?
At one point, it would seem that he sees you as a friend yet at other times, there’s something more. The signs seem a bit confusing and difficult to read.
A very easy way of putting this all to rest is for you to actually tell him how you feel. But, you have already decided that this is not something you want to do as you don’t want to risk your friendship.
So, instead, you can try the subtle mode of dropping hints and flirting. This may indicate to him that you see him differently and that you are open to taking this friendship to a new level. If he is not the type who reads these signs easily, you may find it a bit frustrating. But, without the option of direct communication, this seems to be your best bet.
You may want to keep the option open of telling him directly. If he does not feel that same way about you, there may be some awkwardness. But, if you both look at it maturely, there is no need for the friendship to suffer. Think about it.
In the meantime, try some subtlety.