Sunday January 6, 2013
Hubby wonít stop fraternising with GROs
MY husband enjoys late nights out on the pretext of business. What complicates things is that he befriends GROs, whom he likes to call or send text messages to on such nights out. He then says nothings happens.
As we know, GROs also provide sex services at very low prices per session.
My one-sided love for him is still very intense, but hubby just likes the occasional betrayal.
While they don’t keep in touch after each fun session, the mere knowledge that he keeps all their contacts in his phone makes me emotionally insecure. I don’t know if they’ve had sex and whether he will transmit an STD to me.
Hubby claims I worry too much as he’s merely engaged in business entertainment with friendly GROs who walk from table to table.
I get very upset about this. He’s unhappy about me being upset and tries to persuade me to accept the reality that he needs to entertain and befriend GROs.
He even says he has toned down a lot – not so many late nights compared to two years ago.
Mind you, he is only a salaried staff, not a business owner, and the additional entertainment does not bring in extra money for him.
Am I an unreasonable wife?
While I just swallow my sadness without putting up a fierce fight, my heart is torn to pieces. Every time I know about the GROs, my tears flow and my heart sinks.
Do I stay on and continue to suffer, or should I get a divorce and lose my love forever?
Why can’t I listen to him and just treat this as business entertainment, with the GROs being part of the package? Am I to blame for not having this mindset? Do other wives tolerate this?
I notice that every time my heart aches, I suffer from shortness of breath – like I’m going to die.
Why is that so? For some reason, I know I don’t have many years to live, so I just want more memorable, happy days filled with unbetrayed love till my final breath. But this looks impossible.
Deep inside, I truly don’t want a divorce but how do I take the heartbreak every time it happens?
I’ve thought of committing suicide but I have my lovely kids to care for. I’m afraid if I stay in this marriage, I may unconsciously take my own life.
MOST people forget that with love comes respect. Without respect it does not matter how much love there is in a relationship. Many relationships fail because of this.
You are not being unreasonable. He may have very little, or legitimate, reason to save the numbers on his phone and continue communication with the GROs. I think anyone in your shoes would be suspicious.
Do you know for sure that your husband is having sexual relationships with GROs? Or is it as he says and he’s just patronising these places to entertain his clients? You need to have concrete information and evidence before you can decide anything at all.
He may simply enjoy the attention from the GROs. If so, he needs to explain to you why he has to seek this elsewhere.
There may be some issues in your marriage that need sorting out. This is not uncommon.
In many marriages couples lose sight of each other when their attention is divided among children, work and the hundred other things that need to be done at home. Your conversations become short and strained, and focused only on what needs to be done for the home, children and everything else except yourselves. The relationship may end up suffering.
If this is the case, marriage counselling may help. Or, each of you will have to work very hard and to address the issue to make things better.
Shortness of breath and the other symptoms you feel are a sign of anxiety. In panic attacks, it is common to feel like you are going to die. This is a psychological issue and may be caused by your worrying and stress.
However, it is advisable for you to consult a doctor for a check-up.
You will have to either stop worrying, or find some way to de-stress. Exercise, meditation, or even just immersing your attention in activities that you enjoy will all be very helpful.
Have you told your husband how much hurt his behaviour is causing you? You will have to tell him that you are considering leaving him because of what he is doing.
Finally, you have to make this decision for yourself. But, just remember respect. If he continues to do this although he knows you do not like it, he does not seem to have much respect for you. On top of that, he risks bringing diseases into your relationship if he is indeed having intercourse with these women and practising unsafe sex.
You have children and many reasons to live for. It is not worth taking your life. Every problem has a solution. You have to find it. The necessary steps taken may not be easy, but at least you know there will be light at the end of the tunnel.