Sunday February 10, 2013
Can’t stand him being with someone else
I’VE known this guy R for five years. We often spoke on the phone till dawn and we felt good about each other.
I fell for him and wanted us to be more than friends because I know him very well and he’s really nice. He tells me his darkest secrets and I know almost everything about him.
One day, I confessed my feelings to him. He did not say no, but he said it’s not urgent as we are still studying.
He is seven years older than I am, and is doing his degree while I’m still in college. The age gap doesn’t really matter. He said that he likes me.
Last year, he decided to pursue accountancy in Britain. I felt really insecure.
He is a gregarious guy and that scares me even more. When he left, my heart was shattered. I felt like I lost my soul. Every day, I cried. I was in depression. I even skipped my meals and this worsened during PMS. I shouted and ranted over small problems. I’m really afraid that he would find someone better.
I decided to study in Britain as well, just to be with him. Surprisingly, R asked me to join him there, which means he wanted me to be with him. But my parents said they were financially tight and had got no money to send me abroad. My world collapsed.
I feel sorry for my parents when I argue with them about this matter and end up not talking to them. I always feel guilty when I know I make my parents sad. I’m scared that I’d go mad without him and can’t bear the pain of him being with someone else. Please help.
Depressed
The pain of separation from the person you love is understandable. But, in your case, the ultimate problem is your low self-esteem. You seem to be more concerned that this guy will meet someone else and not so much about actually being separated from him.
However, it seems you may have little to worry about. All that you have said points to the fact that this guy is not seeing someone else. He keeps in touch with you and has expressed his interest in you joining him. Now, this can mean many things.
But, if he has met someone, it seems fairly clear that he will inform you.
Even if you could go to Britain, your self-esteem issues are going to work against you. Can you imagine what it will be like – being “worried” or jealous every time he goes out – when he interacts with other girls? Chances are, such behaviour will drive him away.
What you need to concentrate on is building your self-esteem. That has to start with you liking and loving yourself. Sure, there will always be someone prettier or smarter, but that doesn’t mean you are any less of a person. You have traits, characteristics, skills and abilities that are all yours and special in their own ways. Stop comparing yourself with others and start figuring out what is great about you.
You also have to learn to deal with disappointment better. Many women experience mood swings as part of their PMS. Still, PMS is no excuse to behave badly and be rude to people. Shouting and ranting is just that.
Judging from the fact that your parents are not going to afford sending you abroad, disappointment seems inevitable. You must face the fact that there is no commitment from his side. You feel something for him, and he may reciprocate. But, you are not a couple. Thus, you are both free to meet other people.
Unless you find some scholarship, you and R are going to have to learn how to manage this long-distance friendship. You will have to learn to trust him. Or, you will have to be satisfied with just friendship with him for now, and see if you want to pursue something more when he is back in the country.
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