Dear Thelma

I’M a 19-year-old Form six student. I’m the youngest in my family.

I have two elder sisters who are in civil service. My mother loves me a lot, but for the past few years, I’ve been living in hell.

I have been through all the mental tortures that a student or a teenager shouldn’t have. My parents don’t understand my feelings and don’t get why at 19, I need a handphone!

It’s the most embarrassing thing in a teenager’s life!

Children younger than I am are using expensive smart phones, but I don’t even have a cheap one – you know, the kind from the “stone ages”. Among all my friends, I’m the only one who doesn’t own a phone.

My dad promised to buy me a phone if I scored straight As in my PMR examination.

But while I fulfilled my part of the bargain, he didn’t.

I didn’t hold him to it because I thought he was having financial problems at that time.

But I was wrong!

He lent money to one of my sisters, so that she could buy a brand new Samsung S3. All I could do was cry alone in my room.

When I asked my dad why he did that, he said I was too young to have one. But my sisters started having handphones when they were in Year Six!

My mum and dad later scolded me, questioning me, why I needed a phone so desperately? My sisters won’t help me out by talking to my parents.

I couldn’t stand the torture, and began diverting my problems to a friend of mine, X. He is my batchmate, a cute guy.

X loves me a lot and makes me so happy. I have feelings for him, but I have not confessed my feelings to him, because I am aware of the consequences if my family gets to know about this.

We used to talk on the phone and I used my mum’s. Whenever I have a problem, he would calm me down.

He even told me he would buy a phone for me, but I refused. I was happy until my sisters got to know about my relationship with X.

I told them that there was nothing special between us. But my sisters blew up the whole issue and told my parents.

My mum was very disappointed in me. And that made me even more depressed because I love my mother very much. My mum has since refused to trust me. Even when she talks to me, I can feel the hatred she has for me.

My dad would not help me with my problem, instead he makes things worse when he intervenes. That’s my dad for you. Maybe he thinks he’s just teasing me as I’m his youngest daughter, but he doesn’t know the pain I feel.

After Form Five, I had wanted to study physiotherapy in a private institution because I was not interested in getting a job in the government sector.

But my sisters persuaded my parents not to let me to go out and forced me to study in case I might get in contact with X again.

My mother listened to them and my dad was happy to abide by my mum’s decision, because then, he wouldn’t have to spend so much on my studies.

Besides, he probably thinks I’m not “worth” it study-wise. Isn’t that stupid?! I have helped my sisters a lot when they had problems or was in trouble. Especially when they got caught by my parents for having boyfriends.

But when it’s my turn, why are they treating me as their enemy?

I used to cry every day during my Lower Six days.

I tried committing suicide a few times because I just couldn’t stand the pain. I have erased my feelings for X since then.

I thought it was my fate and concentrated on my studies as it was my only way out. But as luck would have it, rumours about X and I started coming in, and as usual, it was my sisters who were fuelling the situation.

I trusted and loved my sisters a lot but now I hate them to the max!

They always compare me with my cousin B, the one who carried messages about me to my sisters. She betrayed me, as in front of me, she would talk nicely to X and I.

My sisters like her more than me because she would compliment them to get in their good books. But what my sisters don’t know is that she talks about them behind their backs.

A few years ago, I would be longing for my sisters to be back home for the holidays, but now I am happiest when they are not at home. Even when they are back, they spend more time on their phones, Facebook and, of course, with B.

My dad thinks badly about me till this day. In addition, B badmouthed me in front of my aunts and uncles regarding a problem that had nothing to do with me. And that made the whole family turn against me.

And as usual, my sisters are also on her side.

I can’t fight back as I can’t hold a conversation as well as she does and I don’t want to be the talk of the family.

The only one who understands and supports me is my cousin S. But the problem is, my mum prohibits me from meeting up with S. Now I really have no one to talk to about my problems or share my feelings. My family doesn’t trust or love me anymore.

I’m not asking for any extra attention, I just want my family to love and understand me.

Is that so wrong?

I want things to be as they were, to be my mum’s loving daughter and get along with my sisters. But I think it is too late as I may die very soon of ill will.

Tough Life

THAT’S the life of a teenager. It feels like the whole world is against you. You know everything and yet, no one listens to you.

The whole world becomes your enemy, even your parents.

You are their youngest, and naturally, they may still think of you as a child. That could also be the reason for their refusing to send you to private college. I don’t know the context of the conversation in which your father said you are not worth educating.

But, think about it. If he really thought so, won’t you already be working somewhere instead of continuing in school?

He still has to pay for you, no? Your parents probably think they are trying to protect you.

You don’t have a mobile phone. It is understandable that this is truly embarrassing in this technological mobile world, but really, it is not everything. You may find this hard to believe but there are many dangers, to young women, especially, stemming from having a handphone.

The world has changed since your sister was 12 years old. And now, your father didn’t buy your sister a handphone. He loaned her the money and she is expected to pay him back.

Even if you don’t have a handphone, there are other ways to communicate. You can try the good old landline. You also have Internet options like Skype, Google and Facebook chat.

If your parents have lost their trust in you, it is now your task to get it back. Keep your head down and don’t give others any reason to find fault in you. You cannot stop people from talking. All you can do is not give them something to talk about.

Just because your parents deny you something and they are angry with you, it doesn’t mean that they don’t love you. They are your parents and you are their youngest child. Chances are, they are trying to look out for you more.

In the end, they only want the best for you.

Understanding and communication goes two ways. If you want others to understand you, first of all, you must make the effort to understand them first.

They are not your enemy. Neither are your sisters. In the end, they are your family and you are part of them as much as they are a part of you.

IS something bothering you? Do you need a listening ear or a sh oulder to lean on? Thelma is here to help. Write to Dear Thelma, c/o Star2, Menara Star, 15, Jalan 16/11, 46350 Petaling Jaya or e-mail star2. thelma@thestar.com.my. Please include your full name and address, and a pseudonym. No private correspondence will be entertained . The Star does not give any warranty on accuracy, completeness, usefulness, fi tness for any particular purpose or other assurances as to the o pinions and views expressed in this column. The Star disclaims all responsibility for any losses suffered directly or indirectly arising from reliance on such opinions and views.

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