Sunday March 10, 2013
BIG SMILE NO TEETH
By JASON GODFREY
Hosting travel shows may seem like all fun and yet more fun, but it gets to be a grind after a while, so how about something more laidback, eh?
AWAY for two weeks, back home for four days, away for three weeks. This is the schedule Iím running right now, shooting a travel show. Which is all kinds of fun.
But long days, food poisoning, weird eye pimples all become normal working hazards when youíre travelling like this.
Now donít get me wrong. I love to travel and love to do crazy things, but it seems like all Iím doing these days is travel-related programmes, and itís wearing me down the way wind and water erode a mountain, slowly but surely.
The folks at Life Inspired Ė or Li, for those in the know Ė are talking to me about another travel series in which I will run around, probably get food poisoning and possibly wield duel weird eye pimples. Technically itís not their fault, since I was the one who pitched them the idea. So itís sort of my fault Ė meaning entirely my fault.
Maybe this is just fatigue talking, but Iím real tired. And being in the face of extreme mental and physical fatigue has got me thinking that maybe next time I should get away from all the exciting adventure travel fun stuff and pitch something a little more low-key.
And that leads me to this list of potential show pitches for the weary travel host.
Man vs Massage
How much massage can one man take?! Jason Godfrey is just the guy to find out!
From baby oil massages on the beach in Bali to three Thai masseuses kneading that knot out of Jasonís back in an upscale spa in Bangkok, to Swedish massage in the French Alps performed by an assortment of trained Labradors wearing tutus... no massage is too ridiculous or relaxing for our intrepid host.
Join Jason as he lies face down on mattresses, nods approvingly at foot rubs, and then gets dressed and gets ready to do it all again!
Okay, admittedly that one would probably just be half an hour of me drooling into a towel. But seriously, that would be an incredible show to shoot 500 episodes of, although the entertainment factor for anyone not hosting the show would probably be pretty minimal.
Donít Feed the Model
Are models so pressured by the fashion industry that they literally donít eat? Find out in this exciting and informative new series hosted by model Jason Godfrey.
Jason will be tempted by delicacies from all around the globe and challenged to eat or not. How will he fare against a juicy burger dripping with melted cheese, or a gourmet meal prepared by a Michelin starred chef?
Itís appetite versus career, and in fashion you definitely Donít Feed the Model!
Yeah, so this premise is pretty weak because the central question would be answered about half-way through the first episode after I eat basically every single freaking thing they bring out.
And I would eat it, because as much as models like to stay thin, they also like to eat for free (they donít know when theyíre going to get their next meal, after all).
Swimming pools are the bane of mankind but one man, or hero, is ready to go mano-a-mano with every pool he sees. This man is Jason Godrey, Pool Hunter.
From Olympic-sized waterfront pools in Cape Town to half-deflated kiddie pools sitting in the backyard of some middle American backwater, no pool is too big or too small for Jason to find and then soak in.
Join Jason Godfrey as he ďtests the watersĒ of every pool he comes across, armed with only water wings, a floating mattress, and a pair of sunnies. Pool Hunter Ė Get Soaked!
I guess this is somewhat repetitive of the themes found in the earlier Man vs Massage, and, actually, that theoretical kiddie pool in Ohio would probably have all sorts of dried leaves and dead squirrels floating in it, so that would be a lot like shooting a normal travel show. Ugh. Giving this one a pass.
Dude Plays Video Games
Yeah, it is what it is. Probably the worst half-hour of television ever. But like all the ideas, man it would be super sweet to shoot. No food poisoning, no long flights, no dodgy hotel rooms, and best of all, no weird eye pimples.
But who am I kidding? Iíd miss the weird eye pimples.
Normally people hide from the cash collector, but in this series the tables are flipped as people line up to give money to Cash Collector host, Jason Godfrey!
How much will people give him? What denominations are most common? Will people only give coins or bring the big guns and hand out cash, cars, and/or boats? Watch as Jason counts his money putting it all in duffel bags and before laughing his way to the bank.
I should really stop this juvenile fantasizing now. Itís not getting me anywhere. Though, incidentally, if any television producer is reading this and wants to shoot one or more of these ideas, Iím available right now.
Jason Godfrey can be seen hosting The LINK on Life Inspired (Astro B.yond Ch 706). Write to him at email@example.com.