Sunday March 3, 2013
For the children
I REFER to the straying husband stories of Heartbroken Wife (Dear Thelma, Jan 13) and Sad Wife (Dear Thelma, Jan 6), and how foolish old men often fall for a GRO’s sweet-talking demeanour and seemingly “caring attitude”.
My 65-year-old husband began straying after 10 years of marriage and continues to do so. Like Heartbroken Wife, I had stayed with him for the last 40 years “for the sake of the children”.
He was having a sexual affair with a Filipina bargirl for a year before I found out. It then dawned on me as to why he was travelling to Manila every month.
He wanted a divorce when I confronted him, but within 24 hours he “turned around”. He said he was sorry and promised “it won’t happen again”.
His remorse melted my heart.
Six years later (already a grandfather by then), on the pretext of going on a business trip, he took a local GRO on an eight-day Shanghai odyssey. It involved business class travel, a five-star luxury hotel and endless shopping.
They met at the pub where she was working. He knew this woman for merely six months but had fallen head over heels in love with her. By his own admission, “she was the most beautiful woman”.
When confronted, he wanted a divorce. His lawyer was instructed to draft a Deed of Legal Separation. The GRO, a divorcee with two young children, left him after finding out that he wasn’t the rich tycoon he had claimed to be. The Legal Separation Deed was aborted.
A few months later, he got hot with a China Doll. He was bold enough to take her on short trips to Kuching, Sandakan and nearby countries.
He is a great pretender. He tried to give me the impression that he had turned over a new leaf.
On his return after a recent Bangkok business trip, I was shocked to find Kamagra tablets in his trouser pocket. Kamagra is similar to Viagra.
Viagra and condoms were always found in his travel bag. He never left home without them as he was – looks like he still is – addicted to prostitutes.
He has been impotent for the last 20 years and fully dependent on drugs to get it up and running. Having gone through four decades of spousal betrayal, I believe it is not the right decision to hold on to a marriage based on the much cliched statement “for the children’s sake”.
I shielded my young kids from knowing his filth so that they could respect him as their father. They are now adults and aware of his distasteful history, and disgusted with his continued lustfulness.
Divorce is now no longer an option unless I want to make myself a laughing stock by divorcing my dirty old man after having feigned “a happy marriage” for so long.
I am so tired of his stupid lies to cover his secret trysts with women that I try not to be bothered anymore. But it is easier said than done.
Whenever evidence surfaced due to his carelessness or not-so-well-covered tracks, I get agitated and go into a state of retaliation, and imagine things I would to him.
YOU have endured this for so long and may realise that part of the reason for your husband’s bold behaviour is that he knows you will not do anything about it.
You, perhaps, were not in any situation to leave him. You stayed on for your children. You also trusted him and believed him when he said he would change.
This is exactly what he is counting on. Surely he knew you would find his condoms and Kamagra.
Only you and your children can judge how your decision to stay on is affecting or affected your children. They are now adults and understand what their father has been doing. Surely, they will understand your despising their father.
You should make decisions based on what you want out of your life. Decisions like a divorce is a huge one and should not be based on what others will think or if they would laugh at you. They are not living your life. You are.
Thus, you are the only one who can make this decision. Your husband did not think about how others will view him when he started filing for divorce when he met the other woman. Should you?
You seem angry enough to behave rashly in a way that will affect you very badly. Hurting him in any way will result in a serious penalty for you. Think hard and be wise about this.
If you find yourself wanting to retaliate, find another way. Perhaps you should talk to someone about how you feel. A counsellor, or maybe a lawyer.