Saturday November 12, 2005

Do we know the difference?

ALL A GIRL WANTS IS...By TRISHA RAJAH

...To have a real boyfriend. I don’t mean the romantic kind but the other type. The one you hug but never lock lips with.

This is the guy who gives you the inside track on what really goes on at those bachelor parties and patiently explains why it’s important to take sides in Alien vs Predator.

But there is a slight problem to this scenario. It brings up that enigmatic question – can men and women be just friends? Not friends who are secretly attracted to one another. I’m talking about simple, innocent friendship.

It seems to me that post-kindergarten, all male-female ties add up to more than just friendship because physical or emotional connections eventually enter the equation.

Last Saturday night at a dinner party in Mont Kiara, I asked some friends about platonic relationships between the sexes. The woman in the group said, yes, of course men and women can be friends, and immediately began naming her male buddies. Her husband didn’t seem so convinced.

The rest (all men) took a lot longer to reply. They hummm-ed and they hah-ed until one of them piped up: “I think your definition of a platonic relationship is too strict,” he said, brow furrowed.

“I mean, what’s wrong with picturing an attractive lady friend in a couple of compromising situations?”

His buddy chimed in: “I think there’s nothing wrong with sleeping together as long as both parties know where they stand.” Hmmmm . . . that might be possible except for a small glitch – a platonic relationship is specifically non-sexual.

Personally, I believe that pure friendship between the sexes is a myth. I’m not saying that there is NO way men and women can maintain a relationship without any emotional and/or physical intimacy. There is always the exception – for example, you’ve been friends since you were three and think of each other as family.

But in my opinion, friendships between men and women are doomed to failure because there are just too many battles to fight. There is the beast called Physical Attraction. And if that doesn’t get you by the ankles, there’s the phantom called Emotional Intimacy waiting to pounce.

It’s perhaps only possible to retain a platonic friendship if both parties are either legally bound or wisely choose to retain a distance between each other. Think about Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie. When they were first seen together they fed us that tired “we’re just friends” routine. They’re now known as Brangelina and, apparently, a wedding is on the horizon. If that happens, the “friends” will have to eat their wedding cake and words too.

People like these are kidding you and ultimately themselves. Pulling the wool over everyone else’s eyes is harmless if you’re not already involved in a serious relationship but what if you are? How do you know if you have crossed that imperceptible but significant line that lies between friendship and something more?

It’s all well and good if all you’re discussing with Minah/Ravi from the office is how the boss sounds (and looks!). But grousing about the boyfriend’s irritating habits to Ravi or the wife’s nagging to Minah is not a good idea. If you find yourself divulging more secrets to your friend than your wife or boyfriend, then I say, take a step back.

For me, trusting your “friend” of the opposite sex more than your significant other is like a huge danger sign flashing over your head.

We’re only human, after all, and very few (if any) have taken on the ogre called Temptation and won the fight. We all know the price of such a battle – broken hearts.

So, it’s probably a good idea to steer away from dangerous waters. It’ll be too late to cast anchor when one day you wake up and discover that your Friend Ship has morphed into the Love Boat. W

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