Time-out to calm down

CHILDWISE
By RUTH LIEW

PARENTS need to be emotionally and physically equipped so that they can meet the needs of their children. When your own needs are not met, you may feel uncertain whether you are doing the right thing with your children.

Time-out is often used as an alternative discipline for children. But parents also benefit from taking time-out for themselves when they feel harassed.

Instead of lashing out at your child and regretting it later, try taking time-out for a change.

Nothing can be accomplished if both parent and child refuse to yield.

You can shout and scream all you like, but your child will still not hear you when she is upset. Your child cannot reach you emotionally when you are angry or irritated.

Take a break from your children when you are no longer able to control your temper. Walk away and cool down first.

Before you react to your teenager’s irresponsible behaviour, invite him or her to have a cup of tea with you.

In a calmer state of mind, both parent and child can draw closer to one another.

Children know when they have made you angry. Most of them know what to expect when they are found out.

Both parent and child will benefit when you remove yourself from the tense situation.

If you can offer your children a response that can help them instead of punishing them, they will gain a valuable lesson.

If you are dealing with your toddler, act swiftly to prevent accidents. 

When toddlers throw tantrums, no words can pacify them. They need to calm down before you can explain anything to them.

The best way to manage a full-blown tantrum is to accept it and wait for it to stop.

Preschoolers already feel bad about their mistakes before you can say anything to them.

Let them know exactly what is not acceptable and focus on what they can do to make amends. If you are angry, say it as it is. 

Don’t overwhelm your children with shouting and angry words. Preschoolers have short attention spans. They get confused with lengthy explanations.

School-age children tend to get defensive when they are found out for doing wrong.

They will come up with all sorts of excuses to make right what is wrong.

If you get distracted by their excuses and give in to anger, you will not be able to help them learn from their mistakes.

It is best that you take time to think things through before responding to your school-age child.

Your teenage children are constantly seeking affirmation for their individuality. They want to know that they are worthy of your respect.

Often they are put down and humiliated because parents feel they still need to control them and force them into submission.

Before you blow your top, ask yourself how you are feeling.

Focus on what is going on with you. You will find it easier and less stressful to deal with the problem at hand.

Next, ask yourself what you need. Tune in to your body and your feelings.

If you really need a break, let your children know that you need some quiet time or have a snack.

Your children will still be there when you come back from your break. They will fare better when you are in a better position to deal with the situation.

If the children are fighting, separate them and send them to their rooms.

Relaxing for five minutes can make a lot of difference to how you deal with your children’s behaviour.

When you take care of your own needs, your children will learn how to take care of their needs, too.

If you know how to manage problems calmly and reasonably, they will also do the same.

Showing them how you cooperate is better than telling them that they should cooperate.

You can be true to yourself. Your children will be themselves and feel reassured that they are capable of dealing with the challenges set before them. 

Tolerance develops first and foremost in our families when the adults show children how they can be self-nurturing and help others.