Never too late to find love, says couple who found each other later in life

Cecelia Kok and Chan Jer Ping at their wedding dinner in 2020 before the pandemic. Photo: Chan Jer Ping

When licenced tour guide Chan Jer Ping, 48, picked up a cordless phone from insurance agent Cecelia Kok, 65, back in Jan 2018, little did they know they would find the love of their life in each other – a second time around.

Both were members of a Facebook group called Beli Nothing Project where members could give away or request for items that they want or need, at no cost.

The pair hit it off instantly and kept in touch.

“We became friends and then we went out for awhile before we got married in 2019,” says Chan.

This is the second marriage for both of them, he adds.

When asked if the 17-year age gap between them was ever an issue, the couple laughed and replied that “although it isn’t a problem for us, it has caused some funny moments with others”.

“Age doesn’t really matter,” says Kok, adding however that that it’s important to “start maintenance (of one’s physical appearance) from young and be happy” because it’ll reflect on your face.

Chan and Kok (pictured with Duchess) celebrating Kok's birthday. Photo: Chan Jer Ping

The couple share that there have been awkward incidences where people thought she was his mum – even now – but they’ve taken it all in their stride.

But there was one time at a supermarket when Chan indignantly corrected a staff and told her: “Dia bini, bukan mak I lah! (She’s my wife, not my mother, lah)”

Chan and Kok have found a workable strategy to prevent misunderstandings.

“My friend suggested that we introduce each other first before people assume. So I’d introduce Ping to everyone as my husband now before they can make assumptions, and this works,” explains Kok.

Second chapter

Duchess played a pivotal role in Kok and Chan's romance, and was part of their wedding photos. Photo: Chan Jer PingDespite her failed first marriage, Kok says that she believes in “a life with no regrets”.

She admits, however, that she didn’t expect to get married again when she was in her 60s.

“When I first met Ping, he told me his parents taught him to ‘be wary of people who are nice because they may have ulterior motives’. But the truth is, I was extremely nice to him without any ulterior motives because that’s who I am,” she says.

“Maybe that’s why he fell in love with me?” she asks rhetorically. They couple look at each other and laugh.

When Chan was doing his tourist guide course, Kok helped him to plan his studies.

“And, one morning when he was due to join the bus for his physical course study in Melaka, he woke up late. I rushed over to his house to fetch him and send him to the departure point – and we were just in time. Maybe my helpfulness touched his heart?” she says.

Chan admits that he can’t remember when he first fell in love with Kok but that he “just loves her”. It’s not something that you can explain but it’s like a gradual process, he says.

Chan took up latin dancing lessons so that he could dance with his wife Kok. Photo: Chan Jer Ping“I still remember when she invited me to our very first Chap Goh Mei dinner at the Royal Selangor Club with her dance buddies. Although I didn’t know how to dance (at that time), I just sat and watched. I was particularly awestruck by an octogenarian friend of hers who was dancing. Then I took up latin dancing classes near her home so that I could dance with her,” says Chan.

The couple laugh as they admit they don’t really remember their “very first date”.

“Initially, I treated Ping like any other friend. We first had lunch together when he delivered some pillowcases to me. Then, we had breakfast together as both of us live near each other. We’re both also living alone so it’s good to eat with someone ... I guess?” says Kok.

During Chinese New Year in 2018, the duo had lunch before watching a movie together, but they insist that this “wasn’t even a date”, it was “just friends accompanying each other during CNY”.

During Chap Goh Mei the same year, Kok invited Chan to join her friends for Loh Sang and some dancing.

“I love ballroom dancing and Ping was so sweet, he took dancing classes so that he could dance with me,” she says.

They do agree on one thing about their romance: Duchess, Kok’s (and later their shared) pet Shih Tzu, was the “binding force that brought them together”.

“Ping takes care of his friends’ pets whenever they travel. Soon after I met him, I had to go back to Penang for a class reunion so I left Duchess with him and she bonded with him so well that it gave me a very good impression of him,” recalls Kok.

As Duchess played a pivotal role in their romance, she was part of their wedding photos. Sadly, their pet passed on in October 2021.

The couple pictured with their late dog Duchess who was the 'binding force that brought them together'. Photo: Chan Jer Ping

A good balance

While the bubbly, vivacious Kok is an extreme extrovert, the quiet, serious Chan is an introvert.

They do many things together but the couple agree that a good balance of spending quality time together and also having their own personal time alone is important for a healthy relationship.

“Before the movement control order, we used to go dancing at the Royal Selangor Club. Most of the time, we’d go everywhere together, except for his cycling activities which he does himself because I don’t cycle,” says Kok.

“Give and take is what a relationship about. Talk and communicate with each other. If you’re unhappy about anything, then tell each other, and don’t complain to others,” she says.

“We’ve gone on many trips together. We drove to Penang (where Cecelia is from), Ipoh, and Melaka. We even flew to Brunei to visit her mum,” adds Chan.

“We do many things together, including attending events and parties. Of course, we also have our ‘own personal time without each other’. I cycle a lot so I go on cycling tours with my friends.

“It’s important for a couple to have their own ‘me time’, especially in my case because I’m an introvert,” he says.

The proposal

Kok and Chan love attending events and parties together. Photo: Chan Jer PingIn mid-2019, I felt that it was the right time to propose to Cecelia and we went to buy our wedding rings together, says Chan.

When asked why he wanted to marry Kok, he replies: “She’s been nice to me from the very start. She’s become like my mentor and life teacher. I can go to her for advice, she’s a very independent and strong woman, a woman that I truly admire and love.

“My perspective on life changed because of her. I started to know my direction in life and where I wanted to go in the future. She has never tried to change me, but I changed on my own accord and became a better man because of her,” says Chan.

The couple moved in together (into Chan’s home) in September 2019, got registered in November 2019, and had their wedding and wedding dinner in February and March 2020, just before the movement control order.

“The pandemic has been a challenge for me because as a licensed tourist guide, I didn’t have any income and my wife Cecelia was my constant support. She was there for me in many ways and we worked everything out during those months that we were ‘stuck at home together’. I believe it brought us closer – our post wedding ‘honeymoon’ stay at home. We kept ourselves entertained, discussed things, and made decisions and plans together,” says Chan, who also started providing pet chauffeuring services during the pandemic.

“We love to go to events and parties together. Cecelia loves to dress up – and has won ‘Best Dressed’ on numerous occasions, and I followed suit. Most importantly, we get to spend quality time together, no matter what,” he concludes.