Public amenities should reflect the change that more fathers are now doing parental duties, including taking their children out. — 123rf.com
MORE modern fathers are assuming responsibilities traditionally carried out by mothers, showing that the society is moving towards gender-neutral parental roles. It's common for fathers now to take their babies or toddlers out without mothers, whether for meals or a trip to the toy store. But as far as public amenities in shopping malls and other public areas go, the design, placement and construction are still very much skewed towards mothers.
A baby room, also known as a nursing or a parents room, for example, is an absolute necessity for parents when they take their young children out. Some parents would only go to places that offer parents room. This makes sense because the outing would be less stressful for everyone. If a baby needs a diaper change, milk which requires hot water or a quiet place for feeding, then this room will give both parent and child that private space.
The issue is these facilities are often set up with mothers, not fathers, in mind.
Father-of-one Joel Lee Chun Long, 34, says in his experience, most parents rooms are set up in women's washrooms. "Some fathers go out with their children without mothers and this is very inconvenient," he says. Lee says his wife works overseas and every weekend, he would take their daughter, Giselle, four, out and he knows first hand the hardship fathers feel when it comes to finding father-friendly amenities.
"It is very indecent to bring a little girl into the men's washroom. I personally think it will have a bad influence on her, especially when she is too young to identify differences in sex."
Lee and her daughter Giselle go on day-long outings almost every weekend. — JOEL LEE CHUIN LEONG
Not easy
Kevin Kumar, 33, agrees with this problem and says there are no changing tables in men's washrooms to ease fathers who are out with their babies.
"If we were to bring our children into a male washroom, we would have to change their diapers probably on the sink which has limited or no space at all," he says.
"There is no privacy and it will also bring attention to other males who are using the restroom and I am not comfortable with that," says Kevin, who is father to Eliana Kaur, three, and Ariana Kaur, six months.
Meanwhile, Khairul Ashraf Kammed, 39, says when the parents rooms are not within the female washroom, they are usually designed as a communal facility.
"And you will get stares from mothers who are already occupying the space," adds the father of four. Two of his children are girls, Khadija Merida Ar-Rizq, six and Khawlah Mariyem Ash-Syifa, three.
When they have no choice, these fathers had to use the genderless, accessible toilets meant for the disabled.
"It may sound selfish but these washrooms have saved me in quite a number of difficult situations," says Khairul Ashraf, who is a freelance photographer from Kuching, Sarawak.
"It's the most convenient as it is located just next to the gender-specific washrooms," adds Lee, an advertising sales specialist from Petaling Jaya, Selangor.
Khairul Ashraf has his hands full with daughters Khadija Merida (right) and Khawlah Mariyem. — KHAIRUL ASHRAF KAMMED
Daddy's corner
"It would be nice to have a space given for fathers to attend to their children's call of nature that gives them some privacy, just like for mothers," says Kevin, a senior engineering consultant from Kuala Lumpur.
Khairul Ashraf adds: "Except for lactation room, a gender-neutral facility will be the right way to go. And this should not only apply to malls but to other public spaces, like parks and cinemas."
Lee says the authorities should seriously look into this disparity and mall operators should take fathers' opinions into account when developing their baby and toddler-friendly facilities.
"I hope that the government will make it compulsory for all public places including shopping malls to include a father-friendly parents room in the construction blueprint," says Lee.
"Most of my weekends with my daughter are spent out of the house, either in a shopping mall or a park," he adds. For the time being, Lee suggests that the accessible washrooms be turned into a dual-use facility as a parents room too.
"Of course, priority still goes to the disabled," he adds.
Kevin Kumar takes pride in doing everything for daughters Eliana Kaur (right) and Ariana Kaur whenever he's in town. — KEVIN KUMAR
Improved facilities
Thankfully, things are slowly changing when it comes to shopping malls’ amenities, especially in the Klang Valley.At IPC Shopping Centre in Mutiara Damansara, family rooms are designed to meet the needs of families.
There are hot and cold water dispensers, deep sinks to clean little ones, nursing rooms and changing stations. There are also cubicles for privacy for mums and dads who are out with their children.
At Aeon Mall Taman Maluri and Mid Valley Megamall, there are separate kids toilet stalls for boys and girls, with all things in kids’ sizes, just outside the adults toilets.
Aeon Malaysia chief merchandise and marketing officer Low Ngai Yuen says the company has designed spaces for parents and children to help make family outings easier. “At the Aeon Kids Republic’s Baby Room which is situated at the children’s department, we ensure that the nappy changing stations are well-lit and friendly to both mothers and fathers while curtain dividers are installed to give personal space for nursing mothers,” she adds.
Change in thought and practice
Time is different now and the patriarchal thinking in the past is gradually changing, says Lee. "Now, the responsibility to attend to children is equal to men and women."
"Fathers these days are more aware of their children's mental health and are willing to break stereotypes just to be the best version of a father to their kids," adds Kevin.
Although his work requires him to travel regularly, Kevin takes pride in doing almost everything for his daughters whenever he is around.
"This is no longer the age when men are solely breadwinners," says Khairul Ashraf, adding that fatherhood has become second nature to him, attending to four kids aged between 11 and three.
Kevin believes marketing plays the biggest role in changing the public perception on ideas and concepts.
"It's time for everyone to have a conversation about fathers' abilities and willingness to do tasks that were traditionally done by mothers. This would also change men's views. Being an involved father is not about being feminine. It's about being a responsible parent," he adds.
