In caregiving, there will be bad days and good days, but there is no expectation of a complete recovery. Photos:123rf.com
We need more care as we age. While it is natural to support a parent or partner who is frail, caregiving is physically as well as mentally stressful. Because of this, long-term caregiving come with health risks.
Here is how you can plan for managing better.
We have all looked after a loved one with a cold, minor illness or even a broken bone at some point. Therefore, practical nursing is different from caregiving.
With everyday health issues, there is a fixed path from crisis to recovery. We know what to expect and we know it’s temporary. Also, the goal is a happy one: Healing.
Caregiving has a different pathway: There will be bad days and good days, but there is no expectation of a complete recovery. The task is ongoing, unrelenting. Also, there is the constant reminder of the fragility of life.
These stresses combine, making care of a loved one exhausting. Caregivers risk burnout and other mental health issues.
Caregiving is physically tiring. Older people can need support standing up, walking, and if bed-ridden, you have to lift them. It’s not easy to work with someone weighing 60kg or more! At the end of the day, you’ll be shattered, feeling like you’ve spent the day weightlifting.
Caregiving is emotionally tiring. We human beings are empathetic, so when someone close to us is helpless, in pain, or even just frustrated, we feel and share that stress.
In addition, caregiving often involves intimate care like washing and toileting. Kids don’t mind it but as adults this is unfamiliar. Many of us are shy. We can feel embarrassed or even downright ashamed. It’s not logical but the feelings are there for both parties.
Older people can need support standing up, walking, and if bedridden, you have to lift them.
The Malaysian National Health and Morbidity Survey 2018, found that 3.8% of pre-elderly Malaysians aged 50 to 59 need help with simple daily tasks like washing, toileting, and moving around. This rises to 17% for elderly Malaysians aged 60+.
In addition, 21.3% of pre-elderly and 42.9% of the elderly need help with more complex tasks such as meal prep, managing medication and transport.
A 2020 study led by Dr Zati Sabrina Ahmad Zubaidi at Universiti Teknologi MARA (UiTM) Selayang campus, interviewed 249 adult Malaysian informal caregivers, helping parents, partners, and sometimes kids, for long-term issues. They found that 29.7% suffered from anxiety, 20.4% from depression, and 18.5% from stress.
You can reduce the possibility of burnout, anxiety, and depression by adjusting your mindset and then taking some practical steps.
See reality. In fiction, there is the loving woman who is an angel on earth, singing as she works. Modern men are expected to be smiling confident rocks. And everyone works for free 24/7.
However, framing caregiving as an act of love sets unwise expectations. It is better to see caregiving for what it is: A physically and mentally demanding job. Expect it to be tough, and be kind to yourself.
Be practical. In caregiving, the older person may try to limit caregiving to one person. They want to control their environment and don’t like others to see them as infirm. On the caregiver’s side, they may be very skilled at some tasks and impatient of other people’s learning curves.
Accept your emotions but be practical: Caregiving is not a one-person job.
Team effort. In hospitals and homes, professionals limit caregiving to eight-hour shifts. Learn from this and work out a system within your family where everyone takes their turn.
This will cause family quarrels because everyone is busy. Keep your focus on fair distribution. In a tight family, nobody gets to opt out. Calendar it just as you would run an office or large party event.
Source help. Caregiving burdens vary and they change over time. Where you can, investigate outsourcing tasks. Easy ones include meal delivery and cleaning services. Also consider adult day care centres and in-home care services where home health aides pop in for an hour or two to help with bathing, dressing, grooming, complex medication management, and companionship.
Know the signs. Stress tends to creep up so be on the watch for signals that you’re overdoing it. Early signs include: Not sleeping well, headaches and fatigue, withdrawing from social life, feelings of resentment, sudden tears or anger, mood swings, and emotional exhaustion.
Look for balance. Life can be difficult and when someone is frail, it can take a toll. Be sensible: Do your part but don’t give up your life. Making a sacrifice of yourself is not healthy. Be certain to have your friends, your social activities, and your own goals and purpose.
Caregiving is a gift but but remember, you deserve to live your life and have your aspirations, joys and fulfilment too.
Ellen Whyte is a British-registered counsellor and psychotherapist who has a soft spot for cats. She founded an online practice in 2016, and works with clients in 20+ countries. Email ellen.whyte@gmail.com
