Lloyd and Mary have been married for 52 years and have learnt to weather the mini storms that come their way. - PREVELINAA SURESH
For Lloyd Thanabalan, 80, and Mary Arokiam, 75, marriage is never “a bed of roses” all the time. In their 52 years of marriage, the couple admit that they’ve had their “Tom and Jerry moments” – some disagreements and frustrations along the way – but they’ve never let these moments shake the foundation of their union.
“The foundation of every relationship lies in love and trust. It’s important to never lose sight of the reasons that led you to choose your significant other in the first place,” says Mary.
“A momentary frustration and disagreement is never worth your marriage, so always take a minute to calm down and self-reflect before anything else,” advises Mary.
She also shares that it’s important to treat each other as equals and have mutual respect for each other’s families, career and interests.
“Above all, keep in mind that marriage is a lifetime commitment, and as such, you must constantly make time and effort to express your love and appreciation for your spouse.”
The duo came together by way of an arranged marriage and they share two daughters and one son, aged between 46 and 51 years old.
“My husband was from Kuala Lumpur and I was from Petaling Jaya,” shares Mary. “One day, a good family friend brought the proposal to my dad. It was a typical arranged marriage for us,” she says.
Back in the 70’s there were no fancy cafes to go to on dates, nor did they have candlelight dinners. Dating meant grabbing a few drinks together or watching movies at the Coliseum theatre in KL.
“My husband used to love cricket, and he would always play at Victoria Institution, KL where he would take me to watch his games,” Mary recollects.
With Mary being a Roman Catholic, and Lloyd being a Protestant, a lot of their dates also took place at St. Anthony’s church, where the couple met with priests to discuss how they could navigate their different beliefs to build a strong marriage.
After six months of getting to know each other and their families and talking through their differences, the couple tied the knot on Sept 2, 1972.
For Mary, it was Lloyd’s “potential to be a good father someday”, that nailed it for her: She knew he was the one for her.
“Also, I used to be a diva back then, and though he wasn’t very outgoing, Lloyd would still let me dress the way I wanted to and never imposed any restrictions on me back then,” says Mary, adding that she always knew she’d made the right decision to marry him.
“She has been incredibly supportive of me in every aspect of my life, but particularly with regards to the choices I have made. We naturally got along because, well, she is a very understanding woman. Above all, having her in my life has made me feel strong and at ease,” says Lloyd.
