Jasmine Anne (right) with her parents Thinavan and Agnes. — JASMINE ANNE THINAVAN
AS CHILDREN grow up into adults, the question of financial responsibility for elderly parents becomes increasingly relevant.
Many grown-up children find themselves at a crossroads, trying to balance their own financial needs with that of their ageing parents.
Depending on the financial standing of both the parents and children, this issue can be delicate but it rings with the ideas of love, duty and responsibilities.
It also raises questions about the roles and responsibilities within members of a family.
For many adults, the decision to support their parents financially is not merely an obligation but a heartfelt repayment for years of care and sacrifice that their parents have given.
Preschool teacher Jasmine Anne Thinavan, 30, says she feels a deep sense of duty towards her parents, Thinavan Periyayya, 65, and Agnes Francis, 62.
“I am committed to fully supporting my parents financially out of the deep love and gratitude I have for them,” she says. “They have always been there for me, providing guidance, love and support throughout my life. Now, when they are old, it’s my turn to ensure their well-being and comfort.”
Each month, Jasmine sets aside 30% of her take home pay for her parents, even though her father is a deputy dean at a university.
“On top of that, I make it a point to celebrate important events like birthdays and parents’ appreciation days by treating them to special meals, holidays and gifts,” she adds.
Similarly, Sarah Arissa Mohd Hisham, 22, who works as a waiting staff in Genting Highlands, Pahang, embraces her responsibility with pride.
“I have seen my mother work hard all her life, and now that I earn a living, it is a privilege to repay her, and to let her know that I have her back, just like how she had mine while I was growing up,” she says.
Since her parents’ divorce about 10 years ago, her mother, Siti Nurbayah Adlan, 50, is everything to Sarah Arissa. The mother-daughter duo is so close that they even work together at the highlands resort and share a unit in the staff housing provided by their employer.
Despite her small salary, Sarah Arissa transfers RM300 to her mother’s account every salary day without fail. She also buys their monthly provisions and necessities.
“This is the least I could do to help and repay her,” she says.
Reyes says in communities where supporting ageing parents is the norm, social pressure expects young adults to take care of their parents. — MICHAEL REYES
The right mindset
MoneyTree Asia Pacific chief executive officer and founder Michael Reyes says there are three standpoints in approaching this delicate question of whether grown children should take responsibility for their ageing parents’ finances.
“You can approach it from the cultural standpoint, from a social pressure perspective, or from a simple filial attitude,” says Reyes.
From a cultural standpoint, Reyes explains, it is typical in many Asian cultures for young adults who have found a steady source of income to be grateful for what their parents have done for them and support them in return.
And in communities where supporting ageing parents is the norm, Reyes says, social pressure expects these young adults to take care of their parents.
“Filial attitude,” he says, “is when the motivation stems purely from love and gratitude,” he adds.
“You just want to; because you love them, you’re grateful, and you want them to feel the same security they provided to you as a child,” he says.
Reyes says money is a tool that people can use to make the world a better place. “So why not start with your own personal space – your family?”
“And if you feel you’re part of that family unit, then the family unit should work together to ensure everyone shares the common burden and challenges,” he says.
As the only child in their respective families, both Jasmine Anne and Sarah Arissa take the responsibility in their stride out of their deep love. Both of them do not see supporting their parents as a burden.
“I am not burdened because my cultural values emphasise familial duty, and this includes looking after my parents’ well-being, and sharing financial responsibility within my family,” says Jasmine Anne.
Sarah Arissa with her mother, Siti Nurbayah. — Photos: SARAH ARISSA MOHD HISHAM
Planning expenses
However, Jasmine Anne says, adult children need effective financial planning to do this; balancing their needs and their parents’.
Reyes agrees. He says in order to manage this responsibility, young adults should start with the right mindset and goal.
“If they view this as a necessity that requires financial allocation, they should take it in their stride for the first two to three months,” Reyes says.
For those struggling financially, however, Reyes recommends volunteering to take care of a small portion of their parents’ costs, like phone or utility bills or the purchase of supplements – something that does not break the back of their own personal finances.
“The idea is to just contribute and to do better when things get better. When one doesn’t even start, irrespective of their financial standing, there may be an inertia to even work towards contributing,” he adds.
Whether the responsibility is carried out of love or pure obligation, Reyes says it’s all based on personal perception and expectations.
“Primarily, if you view it as a personal responsibility, whether you love doing it or feel compelled by duty, it is necessary to take action,” he says.
“But if I had to put it down to some form of equation, I would say that the minimum one should look into is aiming to ensure their parents’ basic needs like food and medical bills are met,” he explains.
Over and beyond that, he classifies the act of taking up the financial responsibility for one’s parents as a gift of love.
“For me, supporting my mother financially is my way of telling her I love her and that she can count on me now,” says Sarah Arissa.
