Matilda (left) and May play and do gymnastics on a rope. Both came together through the 'Wunschgrosseltern', or wish grandparents project. — Photos: MONA WENISCH/dpa
COLOURFUL building blocks are scattered across the living room floor and a thick rope for twirling dangles from the ceiling next to the dining table.
Traces of children are everywhere in 75-year-old Marita May’s house in Bad Ems, a town some 75km north-west of Frankfurt, but no children live there.
That’s because May is a so-called granny by choice or wish grandmother.
In German, a Wunschoma is someone who acts as a grandmother but is not biologically related to their “grandkids.” A Wunschopa is the term used for a wish grandfather.
For about 10 years, she has been regularly meeting with two children from a family in her Rhine-Lahn district, arranged through a local project aimed at connecting older adults with families with young children. For the Ingmann family’s children, May is simply “grandma.”
May, a former teacher, went into partial retirement in 2009. That’s when she realised she missed the children.
Although she also has biological grandchildren, some of them lived too far away for her to see them regularly.
“And then I thought about it: What can I put in their place now?” she said. “I had thought about doing something at the kindergarten or something else, but I wanted to stay free so that I could also travel. And then suddenly there was a story in the newspaper about a wish grandma.”
Someone to sing and play with
She filled out a form and waited. “A while later, someone called here and said: Are you Mrs May?” she recalls.
Jennifer Ingmann was on the other end of the line. She had also read about the project and signed up, initially with her son Maxi.
“We no longer have a biological grandmother. Our mothers have been dead for a long time,” says Jennifer. But her father still lives in the same house. “It’s great to have a grandad, but it’s something else to have a grandma.”
The two women happen to know each other: May used to be Jennifer’s teacher. And the chemistry was right, not only between May and Jennifer but also with Maxi.
“Maxi actually thought it was great right from the start that the family was getting bigger. That he has two grandmothers who are unfortunately no longer alive and now a third,” says his mum. “I wouldn’t have expected it to develop like this at the beginning and that it would be such a good family fit.”
Maxi’s little sister Matilda is now the one who comes to grandma’s house. They monkey around, go on outings, play with building blocks or swing on the rope.
When asked what her favourite thing to do at grandma’s, the eight-year-old says: “Singing!”
May (left), Jennifer (centre) and Matilda play with building blocks.
Community bond-building
Just like the Ingmanns, a number of families have already found “Wunschomas” through the Rhein-Lahn district’s senior citizens’ office. The office opened in 1995, says Uschi Rustler from the district.
The grandparents project was one of the first of its kind.
“The project is designed to help bring the different generations together,” she says. The focus is on family spirit and togetherness.
All interested parties must fill out a questionnaire, grandparents must submit a certificate of good conduct and are then added to a pool. The next step is to see who might be a good match for whom.
In recent years, some beautiful relationships have developed. “I am still in touch with the first wish-granny, who is now 94 years old,” said Rustler.
“She’s still in contact with her bonus grandchildren, who have long since grown up and married and have had children of their own.”
According to Rustler, the families and intended grandparents decide together how close the relationship will be. It is important to her that the grandparents are not seen as childminders, carers or even domestic help. “There is no payment,” she says.
Undivided attention for the children
Matilda found her Wunschoma thanks to the senior citizens’ office.
Her mum explains that Matilda knows she is not related to her chosen grandma. But for her, May is simply “grandma.” When Matilda was born, May looked after her brother Maxi and Matilda saw her just after birth.
May has now been part of the Ingmann family for more than 10 years. “It’s good that it started earlier. You get a lot more out of it, of course,” says May. “Back then, I was still whizzing around the city’s walls on my scooter with Maxi.”
It’s important to be able to be silly with the children, to talk nonsense and sing songs. “I always think it’s great when the children get curious about what’s going on,” says May.
And the children also always look forward to spending time with their grandma. “This undivided attention that she naturally has is, I think, what the children enjoy the most,” says Jennifer.
“And that’s really great for the children, of course. They love it.” – dpa
