Mealtimes offer families a chance to connect and learn about each other and the world around them. — Freepik
GOOD table manners go beyond simply eating properly or using the correct utensils; it about fostering meaningful family connections. It teaches kids and adults to eat mindfully, interact with family members and learn more about food.
Husband-and-wife parenting coaches Ahmad Fakhri Hamzah and Jamilah Samian, both 62, believe mealtimes offer an invaluable opportunity for family members to engage with one another, nurturing a secure and stable environment children need to thrive.
“It’s a chance for parents to connect with their children physically, intellectually and even spiritually,” explains Ahmad Fakhri.
Both Ahmad Fakhri and Jamilah, parents to six children aged between 39 and 26, agree that table manners involve respect for food, patience and learning social skills.
“Like other manners we teach children, table manners are about raising them to become good individuals who can grow into strong leaders. That’s the value we want to instil in them,” adds Ahmad Fakhri.
Jamilah says when children feel loved and listened to, they are less likely to misbehave. — JAMILAH SAMIAN
For Jamilah, good table manners is also about gratitude, which can be expressed in many ways beyond saying prayers.
“It’s about not complaining about the food, being grateful for what has been prepared and respecting others at the table, especially the elders,” she explains.
Recalling their own approach, Jamilah adds: “When our children were younger, we insisted the whole family gather to eat together at least once a day.”
For Pamelah Visuvasum, mother of two children aged six and four, the practice is similar.
“We always sit together at the dining table, and before we eat, we say a prayer to bless ourselves and the food. I also serve the children kid-sized portions to avoid wastage,” says the 34-year-old human resource manager from Selangor.
Meanwhile, Muhammad Anas Manmohan Abdullah, father of three children between 20 and 12, enforces a strict no-gadget rule during mealtimes.
“This includes the television. You should savour the food and the company, not what’s on a screen,” says the 61-year-old businessman from Kuala Lumpur.
Ahmad Fakhri says parents should make mealtime a memorable experience for children. —AHMAD FAKHRI HAMZAH
Instilling good manners
So, what is good table manners?
“At the dining table, good manners is about inculcating a set of positive behaviours and social skills in children, giving them the opportunity to practise self-discipline and responsibility,” says Ahmad Fakhri.
He explains that mealtimes serve as the first training ground for cultivating behaviours like engaging with others, respecting food and exercising self-control.
However, the certified professional trainer emphasises that parents must set clear expectations for their children’s behaviour during meals.
“This includes how they interact not only with their food but also with other family members, whether at home or at outside eateries,” he adds.
Jamilah highlights the importance of ensuring parental expectations are age-appropriate.
“We need to ask ourselves if our expectations of them are reasonable. What kind of behaviour do we expect from a three-year-old who’s just learning to sit down?”
Muhammad Anas (second from left) and his wife, Anis Sofia Loh (left) take different roles in instilling good table manners to their children. — MUHAMMAD ANAS MANMOHAN ABDULLAH
She also points out two key factors in instilling good table manners: parental connection and staying calm.
“Whether at home or outside, meaningful conversations with children during meals foster deeper connections, while letting parents be proactive, rather than waiting for problems to arise,” she explains.
Jamilah, author of six parenting books and one on marriage, believes that when children feel loved and listened to, they are less likely to misbehave.
Once parents have set expectations and built these connections, Jamilah advises them to focus on staying calm.
“Handling little children is not easy, but when you know what to expect and have already connected with them, it becomes easier to remain calm,” she says.
Pamelah teaches her two children not to waste food and to clean up after meals. — PAMELAH VISUVASUM
Managing challenges
Pamelah agrees: “Children can get easily distracted while eating, and they can be really messy.”
However, thanks to her consistent display of good behaviour, her children have developed the habit of cleaning up after themselves.
“They’ve seen me wipe down the table, whether at home or outside, and now it’s become their habit. They’ll ask for a wet tissue to clean up any mess they’ve made,” she shares.
Another strategy Pamelah employs is allowing her kids to burn off energy through physical activities, such as playing or walking in the park, before mealtimes.
“By the time we sit down to eat, they’re really hungry and just focus on finishing their meals,” she adds.
For Muhammad Anas, discipline is key to managing his children’s behaviour.
“Once you’ve instilled discipline – whether at the dining table or elsewhere – the results speak for themselves. My children no longer need to be reminded to say a prayer before meals,” he explains.
Although he values a strict approach, Muhammad Anas acknowledges the importance of striking a balance between discipline and encouragement.
“My wife and I each have our roles. She ensures they finish what’s on their plates and clean up after eating,” he says.
True to his preference for discipline, Muhammad Anas isn’t shy about reprimanding his children in public or addressing parents whose children misbehave to the point of disturbing others.
“Education good manners requires patience, consistency and leading by example,” says Ahmad Fakhri.
He believes parents should make everyday moments, such as mealtimes or school drop-offs, positive and meaningful experiences for their children.
“At the end of the day, we’re teaching our children good manners that they’ll remember, cherish and eventually pass on to their own children. And so, the tradition continues,” Ahmad Fakhri concludes.
