Lighthouse parenting encourages parents to give their children more freedom in their choices and actions. — AFP
We've heard of “helicopter” parents or "cosseting parents," both of whom tend to be overprotective.
But this very cautious approach to parenting is being criticised by some experts, who believe it can be detrimental to a child's emotional development. They prefer “lighthouse parenting,” a parenting model that encourages greater autonomy.
The term “lighthouse parenting” was coined by Dr Ken Ginsburg, a pediatrician specialising in adolescent medicine.
In particular, he outlined its benefits in the book Raising Kids to Thrive: Balancing Love With Expectations and Protection With Trust (2015).In it, he explains that parents must serve as a beacon for their offspring.
“We must make certain they don't crash against the rocks, but trust they have the capacity to learn to ride the waves on their own,” he writes.
This educational model encourages parents to give their children more freedom in their actions, while clearly indicating the boundaries that must not be overstepped.
Because helping children to become more autonomous doesn't mean letting them do anything and everything.
Children need to be guided and supported in their choices and questioning, without negative judgement or preconceived ideas.“By being there to provide (your kids) with support and guidance, but not just solving the problems for them, it allows them to feel like they have the tools to tackle things that life may throw at them,” says American psychotherapist Joe Farrell to Parents magazine.
This way, once the child has left the family nest, they'll be able to adapt. Unlike their peers who were overly cosseted during their early years.
In a study published in 2019, a research team from Florida State University found that students with helicopter parents were more likely to experience school burnout than those with less controlling upbringings.
Experts agree that parental overprotection is detrimental to a child's development.
Adolescents and young adults who experienced helicopter parenting in most of their early years show more depressive and anxiety symptoms, as well as socialisation difficulties.
Letting go to be a better parent
One would think that all these research findings would be enough to discourage fathers and mothers from becoming “hyper-parents” who over-invest in their toddler's life to ensure their absolute well-being. But it hasn't had that effect.
A survey conducted by Morning Consult for the New York Times revealed that 74% of American parents have already made medical and other appointments for their adult children.
This tendency to overprotect can be explained, in part, by the pressure on parents to ensure the safety, success and happiness of their offspring. Social networks and the comparison culture they promote have a lot to do with it.
To foster children's development and ease the burden on parents, the lighthouse parenting model advocates letting go.
“I understand the desire to be very involved and wanting to know all the ins and outs of your child's life. But you do get to that point, as they age, that they need to have their own life. So, as they get older, you're gradually stepping back,” psychotherapist Joe Farrell tells Parents.
Like any parenting style, lighthouse parenting isn't for every family.
Some children need more attention than others, and will thrive best in a stricter, but not authoritarian, framework.
Some internet users are amused by the proliferation of parenting terms. Helicopter parents, bulldozer parents, tiger parents, snowplow parents and now lighthouse parents... The list goes on and on, attesting to the popularity of labeling everything to do with raising children.
But when it comes to the latest buzzword, the main people involved are rather circumspect. “My husband (not on any social media) came across an article about this lighthouse thing and forwarded it to me with the comment: '...so, normal, regular parenting???'," recounts a mother on the Reddit forum. – AFP Relaxnews
