Jung says building a stable, loving relationship based on trust is essential for fostering open communication. — Freepik
MANY parents of teenagers worry about how to prevent their children from smoking, drinking alcohol or using other drugs, says author and “puberty coach” Matthias Jung.
Jung emphasises the need for early intervention. Waiting until the child is 15 or 16 to start having these talks is definitely too late, Jung notes. “By the age of 13 ... a turbo- education attempt doesn’t really help anymore.”
One recent study by a research team from the University of California San Diego, highlighted the effectiveness of parental monitoring in deterring substance use.
The findings, published in the Journal of Studies on Alcohol and Drugs, indicate that many teenagers refrain from trying drugs or alcohol due to the awareness that their behaviour is being watched.
“Some parents think drinking or using drugs is something that kids are just going to do, no matter what. But that’s not true. Parents can make a difference,” says lead researcher William Pelham.
Fear of getting caught strong deterrent
While it was previously thought that monitoring simply allowed parents to catch and punish their children, the research reveals that the fear of getting caught is a primary deterrent against drug use.
In interviews with 4,500 children aged 11 to 15, many reported that the possibility of being discovered played a key role in their decisions to avoid drugs. Without these concerns, drug use among the participants could have been as much as 40% higher.
However, puberty coach Jung expresses scepticism about the efficacy of using fear as a tool. “It may help in the short term but it doesn’t lead to personal insight for the teenagers.”
Early family discussions are key
Instead, Jung thinks conversations about drugs should begin much earlier, ideally before puberty. “Discussing your own negative experiences or share stories about Uncle Heinz, who had to go to a rehab clinic,” he suggests.
Trying to address these issues with a teenager who is already 15 may lead to resistance, similar to asking a child to do chores only at that age.
“If I want my child to do it, I have to ask them when they’re seven – starting at 15 will create maximum resistance,” Jung says.
Parents guidance and trust is crucial
While Jung recognises that teenagers often seem resistant to parental guidance, research conducted by Kelly Tu at the University of Illinois reveals that parents still play a vital role during adolescence.
Published in the Journal of Applied Developmental Psychology, the study found that discussions between fifth-graders and their mothers about school-related issues had a lasting positive impact, even when the children appeared indifferent to their parents’ advice.
The true success of parenting is demonstrated when a teen reaches out for help after making a mistake, Jung says. He adds that building a stable, loving relationship based on trust is essential for fostering open communication.
Jung thinks that the highest compliment for parents comes when their teenage children reach out for help after making a mistake.
“It’s 1am and they are stranded somewhere drunk and then they call their parents to help them. That’s what trust is all about, and then you’ve done everything right.”
Dangers of helicopter parenting
In contrast, “helicopter parenting” can undermine this dynamic. Jung warns that overly involved parents may unintentionally stifle their children’s ability to navigate challenges independently, leading to issues that may resurface later in life.
He believes it is critical for teens to have the space to experiment, make mistakes and develop their identities.
“Every risky hairstyle or frustrating experience is part of their journey into adulthood,” Jung notes, recognising that such risks can pave the way for innovation and creativity.
Ultimately, fostering independence and self-efficacy is vital for teenagers to thrive as they transition into adulthood.
He points to Mark Zuckerberg’s invention of Facebook at a young age. With a helicopter parent, “he probably wouldn’t have had this creativity and willingness to take risks as an adult.” – dpa
