Fu (front row, far left) and a groups of friends coming together to celebrate the 80th birthday of two SeniorsAloud members.
Several invitations over the past few weeks have prompted me to write this article. There was my uncle’s 91st birthday celebration, followed by my niece’s wedding and my university mates’ meetup. What all these have in common is an opportunity to meet up and catch up with relatives and friends I have not seen for years.
Once you hit your 70s and 80s, celebrations and reunions take on a new significance. With each passing year, you mark each auspicious occasion with a silent prayer. You thank God that you are still around to attend, and they are still around to celebrate.
You notice not all of your friends and relatives have made it through each year. Some have passed on without saying goodbye.
Some are bedridden in nursing homes. You have visited a few in hospital, and you have seen the pain and suffering they go through as they battle sickness and poor health. Not all can count their blessings.
You know that life is precious. So are old friends, especially those you have been to school or college with.
You were young then, so were they. Those shared memories are forever etched in your heart. For who will laugh at your silly teenage pranks and escapades except for those who were there with you?
We cracked up as we reminisced over the silly things we did. We mimicked our teachers, and exchanged notes on who’s where now, doing what, and with whom. And we remembered with sadness those that have passed on.
We should look forward to class reunions and anniversary celebrations, rather than avoid them. Whether it is a small informal get-together at a friend’s house or a gala dinner at a hotel, we enjoy reviving the camaraderie of former school days.
My two years of Form Six in English College, Johor Baru, were among the best years of my life. They were my coming-of-age years. I was 17 then. I discovered rock n’ roll and BOYS!
I learned to dance, went on dates and had my first taste of puppy love. All very innocent though. Most teenagers then were either too naive or too goody-two-shoes to try anything more than holding hands and exchanging love letters! It’s a different world now, so I hear.
Not everyone finds walking down memory lane a pleasant stroll. For some people, it can be a painful one, filled with remembrances that are best left buried and forgotten. But to others, reminiscing on treasured memories brings joy and contentment.
Why then do so many who have retired turn down invitations to school anniversaries and class reunions?
Why is there this reluctance to meet up with old friends? I recently attended Kuen Cheng High School’s 116th anniversary. I taught English there for 30+ years. I retired in Dec 2004. I have not missed any anniversary except during the Covid years.
As is the case in past years, I know I’ll be one of only a handful of ex-colleagues who will turn up at the anniversary. The number keeps dwindling each year. Where are the others?
Here’s the usual response from those who skip such social functions:
For the ladies: “No transport. Not sure how to get there”; “Busy. Have something on the same night”; “I’ve changed so much – old and fat now. Shy to go”; “I don’t feel well. Besides I have to babysit my grandchildren”; “My husband doesn’t want to go with me, and I don’t want to go on my own”.
For the men: “It’s too far for me to drive. The traffic’s is really bad”; “I don’t see well at night. I’m not sure of the way”; “It’ll probably be boring. I prefer to stay at home”; “I don’t like them to ask what I’m doing now”; “You mean there’s a fee? It’s not free?”.
People who are not keen on attending will always come up with endless excuses. They just can’t be persuaded. Reunions are anathema to them. As I think of friends from the old days, I wonder how many of us can honestly say we have made attempts to keep in touch? It doesn’t help either that as we age, the memory of dear old friends fades with each passing year.
“Make new friends, don’t forget the old. One is silver, the other is gold.”
Remember those lines? We used to write them in our classmates’ autograph books as a reminder to keep in touch after high school.
Sadly, we can now recall only a few faces and even fewer names. And when we finally make contact, it is to learn that a former classmate has passed on, another is battling cancer and yet another is suffering from Alzheimer’s. Fortunately, there are friends who are still hale and hearty, and enjoying their second prime of life.
MAINFu (front row, seven from left) and friends and members meet up at University of the Third Age (U3A) Malaysia at their Hi-Tea get-together in 2022. - Photos: - LILY FU
Don’t miss the chance
If you have lost touch with friends whom you grew up with, or studied with, it’s not too late to re-establish contact. With Google, Facebook, Linked-in and a host of other social networking apps and platforms, it is easy enough to search for long-lost buddies. Unless they prefer to remain uncontactable.
Life has ups and downs, peaks and valleys. We have all been through both good and bad times. We can choose to remember the happy moments, or focus on negative past experiences that leave us feeling bitter.
So which will it be? The answer is obvious, yet there are people who choose to remember only the bad times, and that’s why they turn down invitations to meet up – because of old schoolgirl or schoolboy quarrels or some silly misunderstanding. Harboring negative emotions is akin to having toxins in our body.
When my college mates and I finished Form Six back in 1966, we went separate ways. We were too busy furthering our studies, and then pursuing a career. Before we knew it, along came the children and then one financial commitment after another.
There was hardly any time for friends or social activities. All too soon the children grew up and left to start their own career and family, leaving us with an empty nest.
Eventually when the other half passes on, it will be just us alone. That’s when loneliness starts to creep in, and regrets take over. Good friends provide an important support system that keeps us going. They help to fill the void. They are our travelling companions, partners-in-adventure, and pillars of strength in our times of need.
Having friends is good for our mental health too. Much as I enjoy my moments of solitude, I can’t imagine a life where I have only myself or my cat for company. Loneliness can slowly develop into depression over the years. And that is something we should avoid like the plague!
The next time you get an invitation to a class reunion or a small get-together of former school buddies, don’t turn it down. GO. It might be the beginning of old friendships rekindled. At our age, who can tell when we will ever get another opportunity to rekindle old friendships again.
With the year-end and new-year festive season coming up, there will be plenty of celebrations – opportunities for old and new friends to meet up.
There is the Chinese New Year reunion dinner in January, followed by various festivals and celebrations throughout the year. Will you show up at these gatherings and touch base with those you have not seen for years?
Or will it be a case of ‘Out of sight, out of mind’ till you read about their passing in the obituaries. Here’s to dear old friends wherever you are. Let’s meet up.
Lily Fu is a gerontologist who advocates for seniors. She is founder of SeniorsAloud, an online platform for seniors to get connected.
