Legend has it that badly behaved children get a lump of coal for Christmas. — Photo: agafapaperiapunta / Getty Images
As the holidays approach, many parents use the figure of Santa Claus to discipline their kids, reminding them that only good little children will get gifts under the tree. But using this threat to address behavior may not only be ineffective, but could also erode trust between parents and children.
According to a survey conducted by researchers at the University of Michigan Health C.S. Mott Children’s Hospital, a quarter of parents with children aged three to five have threatened their children with no presents at Christmas to encourage them to behave better. Others opt for more immediate sanctions, such as cutting short an activity or not serving dessert at the next meal.
While these non-violent punishments may seem effective at the time, they are rarely effective over the long term, as they have no real educational value. "Consequences should be immediate, so the child understands the connection with their misbehavior," explains pediatrician and study coauthor, Susan Woolford, quoted in a news release.
For example, if a child is drawing on a wall, it's more effective to explain that they'll lose their playtime if they don't stop. This gives the child a chance to change their behavior before being punished. On the other hand, threatening that they won't get gifts at Christmas has nothing to do with what they've done, and doesn't help them understand the relationship between their actions and their consequences. "Empty threats ... undermine trust and credibility and aren’t usually effective. Positive reinforcement and consistent discipline are more likely to shape long term behavior," adds Susan Woolford.
Taking into account the child's age
Although crucial, consistency remains a real challenge for many families. While half the parents surveyed consider themselves to be “very consistent” in their parenting style, many admit that tiredness, stress or irritation sometimes lead them to impulsive reactions, or even regrettable actions. For example, two in five parents admit to spanking, even though the practice has been shown to be ineffective. "Parents should avoid the temptation to rely on tactics that might yield short-term compliance but have negative effects later on," Susan Woolford reiterates.
Effective discipline requires an age-appropriate approach. Toddlers (one to two years old), for example, don't usually engage in willful misbehavior, but are simply exploring their environment. At this age, approaches such as distraction or redirection are far more effective than sanctions.
Beyond the age of two, children better understand the links between their actions and adult reactions. The parents of three- to five-year-olds surveyed prefer warnings, firm instructions or time-outs, which involve temporarily isolating the child to calm the situation down. In this age group, it's advisable to associate behavior with logical consequences. For example, asking a child to clean up a deliberately spilled drink can be far more educational and constructive than an unrelated punishment.
With Christmas just days away, forget threats of coal under the tree or no presents from Santa Claus to encourage your child to behave better. Instead, use clear, caring dialogue: explain the consequences of your child's actions and set simple rules. If your child respects these limits, don't hesitate to praise them. If they don't, calmly apply a previously announced sanction, without letting anger get the better of you. Consistent and appropriate discipline will not only contribute to better behavior, but also to a trusting parent-child relationship -- a great gift for the holidays. — ETX Daily UP
