Is it better to wait a few years after the first child? Or to raise two children of a similar age in one go. Both approaches have their pros and cons, says a child guidance counsellor. — CHRISTIN KLOSE/dpa
THE baby items haven't been put away yet and are at the ready, as it were. And the age difference from the first child would be small, so the siblings could play together. But is it really a good idea to have another baby right away?
"When parents who want another child ask me about ideal spacing, I unfortunately don't have a standard answer," says Dana Mundt, a social educator for Germany's Federal Conference for Child Guidance Counselling, in an interview with dpa. But she offers some pointers that can help them in their decision.
What factors should be considered when planning another pregnancy?
Mundt: There's no particular age gap between children that guarantees parents smooth sailing through the young-children period, or that the siblings will get along well.
The length of the interval between pregnancies is a individual decision that depends on multiple factors, including health status, the parents' housing (e.g. home size), employment and financial situations, as well as the support system of family and friends.
A further factor is the parents' attitude towards their own sibling situations growing up: Did they always want a brother or sister they never had? Did they feel that having a sibling or siblings was a handicap?
Another aspect is that nothing about kids is predictable, though parents might wish otherwise. Siblings love each other and fight with each other – sometimes a little, sometimes a lot – regardless of their age gap or whether or not they're the same sex. Sometimes there's more harmony when the gap is larger, sometimes not.
It's also important to realise that a mother's body should have time to regenerate after a childbirth. Giving birth is strenuous, as is a subsequent pregnancy – especially if the first child is still a baby. I'm thinking of the fatigue and exhaustion due to hormonal changes that also beset most women in early pregnancy.
What are the pros and cons of a small age gap between siblings?
Mundt: I see an advantage of a small age gap in the siblings' often having similar interests and usually being able to better interact with each other. This is also beneficial for their social development.
Joint upbringing is another advantage, as similar parenting approaches can be maintained. And being able to use baby items already on hand - such as changing table, baby bouncer, bedside cot, toys, and clothes that can be handed down – is both practical and a cost-saver.
Feeling rather harried can be a disadvantage. Parents may quickly be overwhelmed by having to meet the needs of two young children. They face stress, sleep deficit, chronic fatigue and exhaustion. And the financial burden of childcare for two children at once can be substantially greater.
Nor should you forget that giving both children due attention can be challenging. The children may vie for their parents' attention, or fight with each other for it.
What are the pros and cons of a larger age gap between siblings?
Mundt: The biggest advantage is clearly the individual and more intensive attention given to each child. On top of that, the parents have more time to take care in addressing the children's different needs.
And re-entering the workforce can be easier when the births are spaced further apart, because you're not out of it as long as you are when you have two children in quick succession.
I see a disadvantage of a greater age gap in a weaker bond between the siblings owing to their being in completely different phases of development. On the other hand, a stronger bond can sometimes result precisely because of a greater gap.
You've got to expect the children to have different needs, and perform a balancing act as regards activities, holidays and parenting approach. Coordinating the activities of children in different age groups over an extended period can be challenging.
Prolonged parenting can be a taxing experience in itself. "We'll never be done!" is a feeling you may have. Some parents get wrapped up in it though and are gladly occupied with child-rearing for a long time. – dpa
