While removing obstacles from kids' path may make life easier in the short term, it has long-term consequences. — Dreamstime/TNS
As a parent, it’s difficult to watch your child struggle. At any age, you hurt for them. You want to help – but there comes a point when helping can be harmful.
Removing obstacles from their path may make life easier in the short term, but as they approach college and young adulthood, it could set them up for bigger problems.
So, how can you help your teenager learn to navigate life’s obstacles? Here are some tips.
Change your focus. Instead of helping your kids “avoid difficulties,” help them “get through difficulties.” To do this, try to think of difficult circumstances as “teachable moments” for your child:
Avoid quick fixes.
We’ve all experienced occasions when our children’s stress became our stress, too. It sometimes seems tempting to deal with adversity by taking an easier road, but this limits their ability to work through difficulties on their own.
Give your child the freedom to fail.
This may be the hardest thing to do; we don’t want to see our kids fail. The biggest gift we can give our children is the freedom to fall, dust themselves off, and get back up again.
This does not mean that we never extend a helping hand. It just means that we need to let them learn how to navigate and adapt so they’ll be prepared. Life is bound to throw them some curveballs, and we aren’t always going to be there.
Promote independence.
They may miss appointments or oversleep for school, but that creates a learning opportunity. We know that in real life, if we miss an important meeting at work, there are usually consequences. Learning about this as a student is better than learning how to manage life and cope with difficulty as an adult.
Make university decisions together. What’s most important to your child when it comes to choosing an institution? Yes, I said your child. Not you. Many factors go into selecting one over another. What does your teen want? Is it different than what you want? Have conversations and listen. Learning your child’s preferences at the outset will help all of you narrow the search and come to a decision that all of you feel comfortable with.
Ask about mental health support on campus.
The American College Health Association Survey on health showed that more than 60% of kids in college have “overwhelming anxiety” at some point; and that the average time to access a counsellor is a week. If you have a family history of mental health disorders, your child is at greater risk.
Our culture is obsessed with numbers and data. In our jobs, many of us have a need to quantify and measure performance.
Although standardised test scores are seen as indicators of a student’s ability to do college-level schoolwork under pressure, they do not define your child’s intelligence, talent or worth.
If your child is feeling ashamed about his or her results, you must not let it take a downward spiral.
Help your child put things into perspective.
Character traits such as resilience, optimism and enthusiasm seem to guarantee success no matter what the person’s examination scores were. – American Academy of Pediatrics/Tribune News Service
