While you might find it difficult to approach a loved one whom you suspect to be an alcoholic, there are certain communication strategies you can adopt to broach the subject. — dpa
Your loved one’s occasional beer after work has become a habit.
They’ve taken to hiding bottles of wine and failing to fulfil obligations.
If that’s not evidence enough, once they can’t fall asleep without a nightcap, it’s fair to suspect that they may have a drinking problem.
Now what?
Alcoholism is a serious matter, and you may find it hard to approach the drinker about it for fear of how they’ll react.
Here are answers to some frequent questions by people with a loved one who drinks too much.
It’s difficult to say at what point alcohol addiction begins.
“It develops gradually,” says German Centre for Addiction Issues (DHS) managing director Christina Rummel.
Inability to get through everyday life without alcohol is a strong sign of dependence.
Drinking then assumes important functions, according to Rummel, such as providing relaxation.
Or it’s used as a means to damp down oppressive thoughts.
The downward spiral can start by regularly having a beer after work, for example, which is already habituation to alcohol.
Throw in a stressful event, e.g. job loss or divorce, and the path to addiction is often short, as the body is quite accustomed to beer, wine or spirits.
The person drinks more, and more often, and can no longer stop without withdrawal symptoms.
“The closer your relationship with someone, the more finely tuned your antenna for them is,” remarks Rummel.
“The signs are naturally easier to recognise when you’re close, because you spend a lot of time together.”
And they don’t have to be obvious ones like slurred speech or “booze breath”.
“It can be social withdrawal, or fatigue and extreme irritability.
“Or failure to fulfil obligations, depressed moods, insomnia or difficulty concentrating,” notes psychologist Jürgen Güttel, an addiction counsellor for the Dortmund branch of the German Caritas Association, a Catholic social welfare organisation.
The recurrence of certain problems can also indicate an addiction, such as conflicts at the workplace or a string of traffic violations that put the person in danger of losing their driving licence.
“It can be a lot of minor things that, taken together, make you wonder whether alcohol misuse is to blame,” Güttel says, meaning that you may sometimes need to put various puzzle pieces or clues together.
While people are often hesitant to approach a loved one about a drinking problem, there are communication strategies that can make it easier.
After all, Güttel says, “It’s better to talk to each other than about each other.”
“You should be able to specify what bothers you,” remarks Rummel, adding that it’s essential to prepare well.
It can help, for instance, to make notes before your talk in order to organise your thoughts and observations.
Another tip: Make “I” statements rather than accusations so that the person doesn’t feel under attack, such as “I’m sad when I see you drink too much”.
And it’s important to show sincere interest in what’s behind the alcohol dependence.
“You should try to find out what led to it without being reproachful,” advises Güttel.
“The closer your relationship with the person, the greater your obligation to offer support.”
“At the end of the day, the drinker is the one who needs to take action, but a talk can give them an initial impetus,” Rummel says.
You could get advice from an alcohol addiction treatment centre beforehand so that you can point out where the person can get professional help.
Your worries, your support and all the thoughts going round in your head are very taxing.
“At first, you’ll want to protect the person, take tasks off their hands and apologise for their misconduct,” Güttel says.
But you should give support only under the condition that they seek professional help.
If they don’t, you should distance yourself from the problem now and again.
Rummel advises protecting yourself first of all: “Just like in an airplane: You should put an oxygen mask on yourself before assisting others.”
This means taking care of yourself and conserving your energy by allowing yourself breaks and not letting your loved one’s alcoholism fully dominate your life.
This will better enable you to be of help. – By Pauline Jürgens/dpa
