Creating a sense of connection may help keep suicidal thoughts from spiralling into actual action, according to suicide prevention experts. — TNS
All young people go through times of deep sadness, confusion and doubt.
But if your child’s moods and behaviours have taken a serious turn lately, you might be wondering if they are thinking about suicide.
The idea that young people would consider ending their own lives can be overwhelming, but the evidence is all around us.
Responses from a 2021 US Centres for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) Youth Risk Behavior Survey indicate that 57% of teen girls and 29% of teen boys say they live with sad, hopeless feelings that won’t go away.
These rates are dramatically higher than they were just 10 years ago.
Depression, anxiety, attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) and substance use – all issues linked with suicidal thoughts and actions – are common in young people.
Your child is an individual, not a trend.
But it’s important to realise that they are growing up in a time when around 30% of teen girls and 14% of teen boys say they have given serious thought to ending their own lives.
Here are questions I often hear from parents, caregivers and other adults who are concerned about suicidal ideation.
The answers may help you centre your own thoughts about what you’re seeing in your own child – and know when to seek help.
Even the most caring, dialled-in grown-ups can’t read a child’s mind.
A 2019 study published in the journal Pediatrics showed that nearly half of all parents whose adolescent children were thinking about suicide didn’t know it was happening.
These findings suggest that if we’re worried, we should come out and ask.
Many people believe this, but research tells us the opposite is true.
Asking honest, loving questions is likelier to save a life than prompt an attempt.
In fact, prevention experts say that creating a sense of connection may keep suicidal thoughts from spiralling into action.
When talking to your child about suicidal thoughts, it is important to listen without judgement and not debate their feelings with them as acceptance and trust arecritical in such situations. — TNS
Although young people may hide or deny their feelings, research shows that nearly 80% who attempt suicide will say something beforehand.
That’s why listening and observing is key.
You may notice your child is sleeping more or avoiding people and activities they once loved.
They may say they’ve given up on solving particular problems, or suggest life has no real meaning.
Self-harm, drug and alcohol use, or symptoms of depression and anxiety, are all causes for concern.
You might also see worsening grades or creative work – writing, drawings, music, videos or other forms of self-expression – that reflect suicidal ideation.
Find a time when you’re not rushing anywhere and can talk in private.
Think about when you’re driving or watching a TV show together, for example.
Begin with love and concern.
You might say: “I care so much about you, and even though I know you are a strong person, I can’t help but notice you’re hurting lately.
“That makes some people think about suicide. Does this ever cross your mind?”
Expect some discomfort, resistance, or even anger, when you pose the question.
Emphasise that it’s safe to tell you anything, even if they’re unsure what their thoughts mean.
Listen without judging.
If you feel tempted to argue with their feelings, remember that you need their trust.
Extreme pain changes the way we view life, which means your child’s perceptions are their reality, at least for now.
Tell them you love them, support them and will get them help.
If your child has a suicide plan or can’t stop thinking about ending their life, call a suicide-related emergency hotline immediately (see footnote for hotlines within Malaysia).
Even if you believe your child isn’t in crisis, take all thoughts of suicide seriously.
This means calling your paediatrician.
Your child’s doctor has experience in helping families deal with mental health concerns, which are just as urgent as physical health issues.
Your paediatrician can help you create a safety plan that spells out what you and your child will do if suicidal thoughts don’t stop (or get worse).
Having a plan helps everyone in your home feel more prepared and aligned.
It also helps reassure your child that even when they’re at their worst, you will give them your best – because that’s what caring, responsible grown-ups do.
The actions you take now can help your child navigate suicidal thoughts while modelling healthy self-care that will benefit them throughout life. – By Dr May Lau/American Academy of Pediatrics/Tribune News Service
Dr May Lau is an associate professor in the Department of Pediatrics at the University of Texas Southwestern Medical Center and the medical director of the Adolescent and Young Adult Program at Children’s Medical Center Dallas in the United States, as well as a fellow of the US Society of Adolescent Health and Medicine and the American Academy of Pediatrics.
