A meltdown is an involuntary emotional response that is beyond one's control, so don't blame or shame your child for it. — Positive Parenting
As a parent, dealing with temper tantrums is common, but have you encountered a child having a meltdown?
Meltdowns are typically experienced by autistic individuals.
It may be difficult to distinguish between a meltdown and a tantrum for those who are unaware of the differences.
A meltdown is an intense involuntary reaction causing someone to lose control of their behaviour due to an overwhelming situation.
Autistic individuals of any age can have meltdowns, not just children.
It is important to note that a meltdown is not bad behaviour or a form of manipulation.
It is also not due to bad parenting.
As autistic persons often struggle with communication difficulties, sensory differences and emotional regulation, they are more susceptible to meltdowns.
It is important for everyone, not just parents, to understand what a meltdown is.
Meltdowns are incredibly taxing both mentally and physically, and are one of the most misunderstood parts of the autistic experience.
In children, they are often confused with tantrums.
Meltdowns are:
- An overwhelming emotional response that lasts longer than normal
- Can occur at any age
- Beyond one’s control
- Does not require an audience
- Triggered by sensory/emotional overload
- Unable to distract or redirect the child.
Meanwhile, tantrums are:
- A typical emotional behaviour
- Common in toddlers and young children
- Driven by one’s will/motivation
- Seeks attention and requires an audience
- Related to not getting their way or being told “no”
- Child can be distracted or redirected to something else.
Meltdown triggers
The occurrence of a meltdown is a diverse experience that holds a different meaning for different autistic individuals, but here are some of the common triggers:
- Sensory overload, e.g. due to strong smell or taste, loud noises, flickering lights, being in a crowd, etc.
- Changes in routine, life or environment, e.g. moving to a new house, sudden changes in school schedule
- Challenges in communication
- Anxiety or stress
- Loss of autonomy (choice and control).
Here are some behaviours that may be shown during a meltdown:
- Biting
- Hitting or punching
- Kicking or foot-stomping
- Running off (eloping)
- Stimming (i.e. self-stimulatory behaviours used by an autistic person as a calming method, e.g. rocking, humming, finger flicking)
- Self-injury, e.g. banging their head, hitting themselves or pulling their own hair
- Throwing and breaking objects
- Vocal outbursts, e.g. crying, sobbing, yelling, name-calling or intense screaming
- Zoning out.
Anticipating a meltdown
If you are supporting an autistic child, it is important to learn to anticipate a meltdown.
Whenever a meltdown happens, take note of the possible triggers – patterns may emerge.
Once you have identified your child’s trigger, find ways to avoid or minimise it.
Before a full-on meltdown, an autistic child may show signs of distress, e.g. biting nails, covering ears with hands, irritability, stimming.
Take steps to remove the cause or move the child to a calmer environment.
Prepare sensory aids/self-soothing tools, e.g. sensory toys, a weighted vest/blanket, sunglasses, noise-cancelling headphones, “chewy tops” for pens/pencils, etc.
These can help to comfort and calm them during difficult situations.
Develop suitable strategies that your child can follow whenever they start to feel overwhelmed or stressed.
Practise with your child when they are calm so that they can self-advocate and apply these strategies when needed.
During a meltdown
The key is co-regulation.
A child needs to first learn how to regulate with others before he or she is able to use the regulation tools independently.
Frequent co-regulation is a process that leads to self-regulation.
Before we can invite them into our calm, we need to self-regulate and be calm ourselves first.
Focus on taking deep breaths and consider sipping some water.
Remind ourselves that the child is struggling and the meltdown was not intentional.
Don’t try to stop their behaviour, but stay nearby to ensure their safety.
Keep other people away.
Limit talking as this will add further stress.
Look around and see what can be done to help your child calm down, e.g. turning down the light or music, closing a door, asking others to leave the room.
If it is possible or if there is a risk of injury, try to guide them to a safe, quiet room.
If you know something that can calm your child during a meltdown, offer it.
This may be a favourite toy, playing a piece of calming music, deep breathing, punching pillows, rubbing their back, tight hugs, etc.
We now know that stimming is a form of self-regulation and should not be stopped or changed.
Do not shame or threaten your child.
Do not try to reason or argue with them.
Do not leave them alone.
Once your child is feeling better, show them that you understand.
Validate their feelings by telling them that you can see that the meltdown was really upsetting and distressing.
Find out what could have caused the meltdown; this may be communicated through augmentative and alternative communication (AAC) in some autistic children.
When a meltdown occurs in public, do not feel embarrassed.
Remember, your child is not trying to give you a hard time; they are the ones having a hard time.
Hence it is crucial to be empathetic and kind during a meltdown.
However, if you are struggling to support your child, talk to your child’s paediatrician.
They can suggest guides and therapies to support your child’s emotional development.
Dr Zahilah Filzah Zulkifli is a paediatrician. This article is courtesy of the Malaysian Paediatric Association’s Positive Parenting programme in collaboration with expert partners. For further information, please email starhealth@thestar.com.my. The information provided is for educational and communication purposes only, and it should not be construed as personal medical advice. Information published in this article is not intended to replace, supplant or augment a consultation with a health professional regarding the reader’s own medical care. The Star does not give any warranty on accuracy, completeness, functionality, usefulness or other assurances as to the content appearing in this column. The Star disclaims all responsibility for any losses, damage to property or personal injury suffered directly or indirectly from reliance on such information.
