Illustration: 123rf.com
Sometimes happiness is just eating together. To sit down for a meal, foster conversations and laugh out loud – that’s what makes life beautiful.
Food is a great draw to reconnect with those you’ve missed seeing, in the intimacy of your family home. It provides the best framework for bringing together the people who matter most in your life – your family. Have you ever had an upbeat family gathering that didn’t involve food? No, right?
Family love can be forged through mundane actions such as preparing a meal together. The connective power of food makes a get-together more interesting.
In an extended family, there will be one or two members who excel in cooking. My late mother-in-law used to cook for the big Eu family, and we would all gather at the old house to delight in her signature dishes. Food was her default way of expressing her love.
Traditionally, feasting brings families together. Eating and sharing news together is a great way to bond in a multi-generational family. The charm of the meal is in the created atmosphere of unhurried moments of pleasure. It is very uplifting.
It is easy to drift apart if families don’t make it a point to come together for a meal at least once a year. We need to live with greater intention to regularly connect with one another. It takes an effort in today’s frenetic world but sometimes life gets in the way. It is easy to let things slide.
In a big family, there will be varied characters. The extrovert will enjoy the vibrant vibes and be in their element. But the quiet, introverted type might find the cacophony of voices overwhelming. Sometimes you have to sit with the shy and reserved family member to bring them out of their shell.
Among family members who know us so well, we can shed the self-preservation instinct, take off the mask, and relax in the beauty of the moment.
Your family know your strengths and weaknesses. They have seen you grow up from babyhood to maturity. They may even call you by your childhood nickname, so just be your authentic self and immerse in the familiarity and comfort.
This brings to mind these lines by the poet Helen Steiner Rice: “If people like me didn’t know people like you, life would lose its meaning and its richness too.”
In a family gathering, children get the strong message that family bonding is important, and they indirectly learn about courtesy and connection, and conversation skills as well. It is wonderful to watch the children play with their cousins and get to know who their granduncles and great-grandaunts are.
Families are connected by cords of love invested so long ago through multiple interactions and festive gatherings. They are brought together by the kind of love that can survive the obstacles in their way. To have such emotional support makes us stronger when it comes to tackling the storms of life.
Small, unexpected acts of kindness may be the way to bring families together. We all need to give a little in order to receive. WhatsApp chat groups and Zoom gatherings are a pleasant way to keep in touch for occasional updates but nothing beats face-to-face gatherings. When we meet in the physical, we get to form visual images that are later kept in the archives of our memories.
Some of the treasured things in life certainly cannot be assigned a price. These include faith, love and tenderness. As family, we can be open and vulnerable, and share accomplishments as well as our hopes and fears.
To feel the transience of the moment – the fleeting moments of connection and their values – is to know the preciousness of family. Until you remember to build those moments from spontaneous kindness and generosity, until you embrace the love in the hugs, the pat on the shoulder, the firm handshake or the exchange of gifts, you won’t grasp the value of the moment, the fragility and the intimacy.
All these small and familiar interactions are a stark reminder that life holds no guarantees. The next family gathering might not be the same or comprise the same people at the table. It is a jolting truth that prompts many to brave the heavy traffic, even congestion at the causeway, to make it for that all-important reunion dinner. The tossing of Yee Sang and the chorus of “Heng-ah! Huat-ah (Good luck and prosperity)!” reverberates around the house, creating a happy atmosphere.
We get to meet some of the family members only once a year or every few years. Then we notice the passage of time etched on the faces of the elderly, their gait being the great betrayer of their age. The shadows have grown long for them. Some sadness inevitably creeps up amidst the joy of the celebration – another reminder that mortality catches up on everyone.
Without the familiar faces cheering us on, will we find our way back to a place of love? When our adventures bring us back home to realign our bearings, we feel awash with love that enriches us. We do need relationship attachments with our family who offer us a safe haven or safety net from the capriciousness of life. Therefore, what other reason do we need to gather together?
Love wrought in thought, word and action manifests itself in little caring ways that build each other up, and bind seemingly ordinary moments into a tapestry of treasured blessings – one meal at a time.
