The writer’s cross stitch design on a cushion cover.
Life is often described as a journey, akin to a train ride where fellow passengers board and disembark early, or stay with you for the entire trip. It can also be seen as a voyage over calm or rough waters, or an ordinary car ride with rocky roads and slippery slopes, where we might even take wrong turns. We need to cautiously navigate around cracks and bumps, and be prepared for changeable or extreme weather.
Looking back, I think of all the people who have made an impact on me throughout my life’s journey. My earliest guides were my parents, who instilled in me values of honesty, diligence, frugality, and caring beyond the family. My schoolmates from different cultures enriched my childhood with their friendship and the hospitality of home-cooked meals, including nasi lemak and chapati. I am still in touch with several schoolmates from my hometown of Kuala Kangsar.
From my earliest school days, I was fortunate to have exemplary teachers in a girls’ school. One of them left to join the first batch (1952) to be trained at Kirkby College in England and returned after two years to my school. Remarkably, I was among those (1959-60) admitted to that same college! I managed to contact her upon my return, and we kept in touch until she passed away after several years with Parkinson’s disease. We both experienced the unique life in a Malayan college on foreign soil, which also served as a home away from home, dubbed “Kampung Kirkby”. All Kirbyites will never forget how privileged we were to have walked those corridors with top lecturers who tutored with dignity and discipline in class and shared good humour and hospitality outside.
In 1964, I attended a course in the Education of the Deaf at the Specialist Teachers Training Institute (S.T.T.I.), which was an eye-opener to the world of non-hearing children. Those starting in our classes had no vocabulary and began picking up words like babies through individual hearing aids supplied to them. I was educated about their challenges in a silent world, often unknown and misunderstood by those around them.
After marrying an army officer, we moved several times during his various postings. The members of the ‘Wives’ Club’ helped me settle into a military social environment, and we were comfortable with the facilities within the camp premises.
Some colleagues in the new schools where I was posted mentored me in cooking basics (a field I was unschooled in!), including Indian curries, Malay rendang, and Chinese and Western dishes.
Parenting our children taught us new skills too – disciplining them, being playful, and adjusting our schedules. Children have been our guides, testing our patience and tolerance, and the love and devotion expended during their formative years.
Then came another round of renewed joy with the grandchildren! These experiences naturally create a different kind of sisterhood and brotherhood among parents and grandparents, who have plenty of stories to exchange when they meet.
Copper-tooling artwork by the writer. Photos: Tan Ling Suan
In our work and play, different mentors come and go – in clubs and associations, voluntary services, among neighbours and new friends, whether young or old. Since my school days, I have been inspired by the writings of philosophers and novelists. My hobbies have included reading and writing, gardening, and crafts. I am forever grateful to those who gave me tips in cross-stitch, patchwork, copper-tooling, and later, multicoloured bougainvillea grafting.
Till today, I share photos and news with fellow avid gardeners, though I now have only a miniature garden on my condo balcony.
Sometimes we are touched by an act of kindness that stays with us forever, while we may forget to value the caring people around us daily. Some people will be sorely missed only when they are absent. We need to be reminded to count our blessings for all that we are gifted with and often take for granted. In some ways, we may unknowingly guide each other while sharing our knowledge and experiences, developing stronger bonds.
There will always be new guides to meet and learn from, welcoming their support in times of indecision, anxiety, weakening health, loss, and whatever the future may bring. I will remain deeply grateful to all the role models who have crossed my path in my life’s journey so far.
