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Those contemplating suicide can reach out to the Mental Health Psychosocial Support Service (03-2935 9935/ 014-322 3392); Talian Kasih (15999/ 019-261 5999 on WhatsApp); Jakim’s family, social and community care centre (011-1959 8214 on WhatsApp); or Befrienders Kuala Lumpur (03-7627 2929/ email sam@befrienders.org.my/ befrienders centres in malaysia).
Dear Thelma,
I’m in a very difficult and uncomfortable situation at work, and I need your advice. I think my boss has serious mental health issues. In meetings, she yells at me, our co-workers, and even her peers.
Her frequent outbursts are intense and often seem unprovoked, creating a hostile and tense work environment. Everyone around her is constantly walking on eggshells.
What’s even more troubling is that no one seems willing or able to put her in her place. We’re all afraid of what she might do if confronted.
I think she could benefit from seeing a mental health counsellor, as it seems like she needs help managing her rage. But is it even appropriate for us to suggest this?
Could recommending she seek help backfire on us? I’m concerned for both our workplace and for her well-being, but I’m not sure how to handle this delicate situation.
I can tell you’re a kind-hearted person because you ascribe your boss’s appalling behaviour to a mental health issue. That may be true, she may have something going on; however, anger can also be a choice.
The way to tell the difference is to ask a question: When this woman is talking to someone she considers an authority (her own boss, the company owner, a member of the royal family, etc), does she rage or is she polite?
If she rages with everyone, then it may be a sign of an underlying issue. People who suffer from alcoholism, bipolar disorder and some other mental health conditions can have periods when they feel rage, but it’s not constant as it tends to come in cycles.
If she is polite to her superiors, it suggests her behaviour is a choice.
This may sound odd but many bosses choose to use anger in the workplace. To understand why, let’s dig into the psychology of screaming.
In nature, screams are a signal that something is very wrong. It means there is danger, a predator attacking perhaps. Therefore, we are hardwired to respond.
When we hear screams, the amygdala, the brain's fear centre, triggers a “fight-or-flight” response.
Our body systems flow into an emergency mode that includes physical changes such as super-fast breathing and a rapid heartbeat that floods the body with oxygen, a flood of adrenaline, and other changes that help us power up for an emergency response.
It also triggers emergency behaviour. Most people will freeze or want to hide. Anything to keep out of sight from the danger.
When the screamer is standing in front of them, and that screamer has authority or superior physical strength, most people will also rush to please. They maintain this people-pleasing behaviour because they want to appease the danger.
Therefore, screaming and anger are fabulous psychological tools for controlling people – if one has no morals!
Bullies have discovered that screaming makes them powerful. Also, rage is much easier than fostering cooperation and dealing respectfully with others.
For the people around them, the constant stress reactions are damaging. Not only do we live in fear which is uncomfortable, but repeated “fight-or-flight” responses lead to increased risk of anxiety, depression, high blood pressure, and other health issues.
In a well-run company, owners and senior staff keep an eye out for bullies who use anger as a weapon, and either force them to change or remove them.
Whether your boss has an issue or not, you can take this to the most senior boss and ask for intercession. However, the entire team is walking on eggshells, suggesting the problem is already longstanding and widespread. That suggests senior management have no interest in their employees’ safety or even in the common decencies.
So do make a complaint, and hopefully it leads to positive change. However, I think you should be prepared to look for another job, one with a culture of politeness and mutual respect.
Also, please take care. If you start to show symptoms of low mood or anxiety such as rashes, upset tummy, tearfulness, and fractured sleep, talk to your doctor or a therapist skilled in working with targets of violence.
Good luck and know I’m thinking of you.
