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Those contemplating suicide can reach out to the Mental Health Psychosocial Support Service (03-2935 9935 / 014-322 3392); Talian Kasih (15999 / 019-261 5999 on WhatsApp); Jakim’s family, social and community care centre (011-1959 8214 on WhatsApp); or Befrienders Kuala Lumpur (03-7627 2929 / email sam@befrienders.org.my / befrienders centres in malaysia).
Dear Thelma,
I am in my late 20s, very close to my family, pampered (so say my siblings) and have never left home for studies or work until recently. It was completely my own decision to go for a work interview abroad, and I got the job.
I was over the moon during training but once it was over and the real job commenced, it was different. I work in the skies, and with different colleagues every single day. I had reckoned it would be amazing getting to work with different people but what I did not think of was having to face certain attitudes and behaviours.
There have been a few scenes during work where I felt belittled, ashamed and disrespected, probably because I was new to the industry. I am gradually learning what my duties are and how to do my work. Obviously, no one sees my uphill battles. Due to the setback, I look for reasons to go home.
Recently, I got to go home and was there for a few days. I left with a very heavy heart. All I could think of was, "Why did I go for the interview? Why did I leave my hometown?" I also felt that if my family were with me, I would feel so much better, and my anxiety and sadness would pass.
I cannot tender my resignation due to the contract. I am bewildered as to how much longer I'll be able to bear this heaviness in my heart and having 1,001 thoughts running through my mind.
I know it's a new environment, and getting used to working with different people will take some time. But I know myself – it'll be extremely hard to get through this.
I want to go home. At the same time, I don't want to disappoint anyone by making that decision. And I know the outcome of this action as well. I'm utterly depressed ... I can't bear this feeling any more ... I just want to go home to my family...
The Archer
Thanks for writing in. I can see you're upset and you've explained your emotions well.
You've left your comfort zone and gone to work. You travel constantly, are far from home, and work with different people every day too.
That's a lot of change, and we humans aren't very good with change. We tend to see change as dangerous, so our stress levels go up.
As stress can lead to depression, and depression makes us see the world in a negative light, it is possible that some of your emotions are rooted in depression.
Therefore, make an appointment to speak to a mental health professional who can assess you. A psychiatrist, a medical doctor specialising in mental health, is the person to see.
It is entirely possible that light medication will restore your natural bounciness and you will see your job just as you did when you started.
But supposing it is not just depression talking. Supposing that the quarrels are the cause of your upset.
You've not given details. Maybe you are cabin crew and passengers get drunk and are rude. Maybe you're a technician falling foul of red tape Napoleons in foreign airports. Possibly, your colleagues are the problem.
In addition, you say you are pampered, so it is possible you're over-sensitive. But it's equally possible you work in a toxic or abusive environment.
Details are vital for working out a proper response. Therefore, also find a therapist, counsellor or psychotherapist whom you can talk to – someone you can vent to and who is skilled in understanding abusive and toxic workplaces.
If you are a bit sensitive because you're depressed, she can help you manage better. But if you are stuck in a toxic workplace, then she can help you figure out your next steps.
Should you decide you want to leave, please don't despair. As you are down, you're a bit negative and you're seeing things in black and white. This is a common effect of depression. That skewing of reality is why it's called a mental health issue.
Please know that an exit is always possible. Companies do not want to let employees go, but they can't force you to stay employed forever. That is slavery and illegal in Malaysia.
You may have to do paperwork, work a notice period, or pay back some training costs. Whatever it is, there will be an out if you need it.
As some companies write contracts that are unenforceable or downright illegal, it is sensible to get a lawyer and get proper information about your rights and duties.
If you take these steps, assessment and then therapy, you may decide in a few weeks that you actually like your work and want to stay, that you like your work but want to switch companies, or that you need to seek a different career. The thing is, taking hasty decisions when you're upset is seldom sensible.
So go reach out, and get some help to find the best solution for you, okay? I'll be thinking of you.
