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Those contemplating suicide can reach out to the Mental Health Psychosocial Support Service (03-2935 9935 / 014-322 3392); Talian Kasih (15999 / 019-261 5999 on WhatsApp); Jakim’s family, social and community care centre (011-1959 8214 on WhatsApp); or Befrienders Kuala Lumpur (03-7627 2929 / email sam@befrienders.org.my / befrienders centres in malaysia).
Dear Thelma,
I first received direct messages last year from an Instagram account that had no followers, no pictures, and a username with no indication of identity.
The messages were very explicit, calling me foul names. He also described in detail sexual acts that they wished to perform, how helpless I would be against them and how much this would only arouse them further.
He detailed how he had taken pictures of me and used them to re-enact his fantasies. The messages included pictures of myself, most of which were taken from my own social media page but zoomed in on particular parts of my body like my chest and waist. But the scariest part was that some of the pictures were ones that I had not taken myself.
I reported the account straightaway and the account was deactivated after a week, thankfully.
However, the story does not stop there, unfortunately. Within a week of its deactivation, I received a notification that an account had tagged me on their post. To my horror, I saw it was another account (again with no followers, no pictures, and a username with no indication of identity) but this time, instead of direct messages, it was public posts of me with captions bearing his vulgar messages.
In one post, he included a detailed plan about how he planned to spike my drink and then kidnap me to be his sex servant.
He said I shouldn't ask anyone for help as any girls I asked would also be raped and any guys I asked would be murdered. He mentioned some of my male friends by name in his threats.
The cycle of reporting and deactivation continued at least four more times. Finally, in December, he mentioned that this had all been fun but he was going to have to go quiet now and that I should prepare myself for him because he would be seeing me soon.
I'm really scared. I have no idea who this person could be, other than that he was probably a former school mate. I had already left my previous school for over six months when the messages began.
The final threat that he would be seeing me soon especially scares me as I don't know if it is just an empty threat or he really does have plans to harm me. I don't know if I deserve to feel vulnerable about this because most of the photographs were taken from my page and this seems like a consequence of my choices.
My friends who know about the situation tell me that it's not my fault, I'm completely covered up in a lot of the pictures and that it's just him having a perverted mind, but I can't seem to completely believe them.
I tried to talk to my parents about the situation but they told me to just ignore the situation and chastised me for paying so much attention to social media.
The authorities at my current school also said that unfortunately there wasn't really anything they could do. One of them mentioned that this was such a minor case that the police wouldn't really even consider it because no physical harm occurred. Besides, the fact that I am not 18 yet means that I wouldn't be able to file a police report without the consent of my parents.
Is there really nothing that can be done? Unfortunately, I did not think to document the situation so I only have proof of the posts from the very last account – in the form of screenshots – as the fact that the accounts were deactivated means that all the messages and posts have been lost.
A scared girl
I am very sorry you're going through this and I'm not surprised you're scared.
You're the target of a long-term, ongoing campaign of threats and violence. That takes a toll on an adult, never mind a child. Frankly, I'm astonished by the attitude of your parents and your school. It is beyond comprehension.
Of course the authorities need to know about rape and murder threats! Especially as this has been going on for months.
But don't worry. This is more common than you might think and there are people to help you.
We'll talk practical action first and mental health second.
Someone out there has taken pictures from your social media. They threaten to rape you. They tell you not to ask for help. They threaten murder. This is criminal behaviour.
There are various agencies that need to work together to get to the bottom of this, so I think the best thing for you to do is to call Wanita MCA's Legal Advisory & Women's Aid Centre (Lawa) at 03-2716 5943/ 012-386 3884. If you are in KL, go and see them. If you are not, explain the situation (or show them this letter) and ask for a local contact.
When you go in person to report this properly, take your phone with you. Try and note down a timeline of events. Take copies of all your take-down reports. And take the screenshots you have, plus as many screenshots of threats and posts as you can find.
Perhaps the legal team there could help you make police and cyber security reports, track events and see if they can identify the person doing this.
During this process, don't tell friends or announce online what you're doing. It's best the team work quietly. Talk in a few months when it's all over.
OK, now about your mental health.
You are uncertain about how dangerous this is. I agree it's unclear. It is possible that this is a very dangerous person. However, it is also possibly a bully, someone you know or who knows you, who is making threats because they enjoy scaring you.
Ask the team for an informed opinion and for advice. They see a lot of this and should be sensible.
You worry about them having photos you didn't take. If they show private spaces like your bedroom or bathroom, then tell the team as it means you have a camera in your home or your phone or computer has been compromised.
Frankly, that's unlikely. It's much more likely that this person looked at your friends and family's social media and took photos of you taken by other people from there.
Whose fault is this?
Your friends are correct: Someone out there chose to be a bully and a criminal. They chose to spend hours on a hate campaign. The person to blame is the criminal.
You are their target. It doesn't matter what you wear or what kind of photos you post. Nobody has the right to target others and threaten violence. So stop blaming yourself, OK?
I suggest you talk out your emotions with a professional. Also, with this going on for months, I'd not be surprised if you were anxious, depressed, suffering from disrupted sleep, and more.
Ask around for an experienced counsellor whom you can see, who can assess and help you. Look for a person with a Masters in Counselling, Psychology or Social Work with experience in abuse and emotional violence. You will need several sessions with the same person. There are NGOs that provide this, so just ask.
I appreciate this is a lot to take in. However, as soon as you pick up the phone, adults will get the ball rolling. Your priority is to look after your health. Keep safe and know I'm thinking of you.
