Dear Thelma,
Over the past few months, I have been experiencing bullying at my workplace. It has been a distressing and emotionally draining experience that I am struggling to cope with.
The bullying takes various forms, from verbal abuse to exclusion from team activities, and it is affecting both my professional performance and my overall wellbeing.
I've tried to address this issue with my colleagues and supervisors, but the situation hasn't improved, and I fear that it might even have worsened. The workplace environment has become increasingly hostile and toxic, making it difficult for me to focus on my tasks and maintain a positive attitude.
I don't know where else to turn.
I value my job and the career I've built, and I'm unwilling to let these bullies drive me away from something I've worked so hard to achieve. However, I'm running out of ideas on how to handle this situation effectively.
I would greatly appreciate your advice on how to deal with workplace bullying. What steps can I take to protect myself emotionally and professionally? How can I confront the bullies and seek resolution without risking my job security?
Exasperated
I am so sorry to hear this. Being the target of bullies is devastating, so let’s have a look at what can be done.
You are the target of verbal abuse and of deliberate exclusion. As a result, your wellbeing is suffering.
This is not surprising. The effect of bullying on mental health is well documented. Targets report a decrease in energy and self-esteem, and an increase in low mood and anxiety. Prolonged bullying can result in depression, anxiety, complex post traumatic stress disorder (PTSD-c) and suicidal ideation.
Bullying is clearly unprofessional behaviour. You have done the right thing by addressing it with colleagues and your superiors.
If your bosses were ethical professionals, they would have stepped up. As they have not, and you report that the bullying has increased, the message is clear: your bosses are perfectly comfortable knowing you are targeted.
In fiction, we see stories of how courage when being targeted pays off. In real life it seldom works that way. It is extremely difficult for one person to withstand assaults from multiple aggressors.
I don’t think it’s possible to protect yourself emotionally from being systematically harassed. Also, you note that it is impacting your professional performance. I can’t tell if that is from your decline in mental health or whether they are actively messing with your work too.
The sensible thing is to get out. However, exit in a manner that returns the power to you. Talk to a lawyer to see about a constructive dismissal case.
To get good advice, write down everything you remember about the verbal abuse and the exclusion. Get a timeline with dates and details. Collect all written evidence.
Most importantly, do this in secret and on your own equipment. You don’t want them destroying their tracks.
In cases like these, targets collect evidence, follow their lawyer’s advice on how and when to exit, and then the case is either settled with a (hopefully large) cash sum, or it goes to labour court. Either way, it can take a while.
During this time, you can deal with the fallout.
First, get together your support group. Friends, family and ex-colleagues who know you and who will affirm you. With good friends at your back, you will gain strength.
Second, rope in a professional and ask them to assess you for depression and anxiety. It’s important to safeguard your health, but just in case, check with your lawyer to see if it can impact your case.
Third, while your lawyer fixes the bullies, you move to a new organisation. As you have spent years building your reputation, you will be known.
Please don’t worry about gossip. Bullies look strong when you’re feeling down. However, there will be many people watching this play out who understand exactly what is happening. Also, your support team will be setting the record straight quietly.
You will get a job! And as you work nicely with someone else, pursuing your professional goals, it will become increasingly clear to everyone what has really been going on.
Again, I am so sorry for your situation. Bullying is such a nasty, unethical way to behave. I hope my response helps. Know I’ll be thinking of you.
