Alyson: Make choices that will help you improve or succeed in the long run.
JEALOUSY can do a lot of things to our mental health.
It can rob us of our self-confidence, and make us question our worth and capabilities.
In our modern society, it’s difficult not to be envious of others, especially with news of wunderkinds regularly being shared on various platforms.
Such feelings can prove to be much harder to deal with, when it involves our peers. I myself have struggled with it.
We are supposed to be genuinely happy for our friends but why do we sometimes feel otherwise when they have an achievement worth celebrating, for example?
This can ruin years of friendship.
The good news is, being jealous doesn’t make you a bad friend or person. In fact, it is totally normal. So, don’t beat yourself up. What is more important is how you deal with it and treat other people as a result.
To say that I don’t like this particular side of me would be an understatement. Cognisant of the insidious effects of such feelings of resentment, I have been working on developing a positive attitude. Here’s what I have learnt about keeping the green-eyed monster in check.
1. Accept your emotions
The first step is to learn to accept your tendency to get jealous. Don’t be so harsh on yourself. Blaming yourself for involuntary emotions will do nothing more than rubbing salt into the wound. It’s also crucial to accept that you have your strengths and your peers have theirs.
2. Pen your thoughts
Sometimes, jealousy can cloud your vision, making you say and do spiteful things in a fit of rage. That is no excuse for sabotaging or hurting others.
If you’re the type who acts recklessly on the spur of the moment, make it a habit to quickly jot all your feelings in a notebook or even a scrap of paper.
This will help you to calm down and process your emotions.
Penning your thoughts can also help you to realise why you were jealous in the first place. You may discover that you are too ambitious for your own good.
Or it could very well be your insecurities or sense of inferiority being triggered.
3. Be your authentic self
Don’t bottle everything up or hide your unpleasant traits just because they are “bad”.
Being open about your internal conflict strengthens bonds and understanding among friends as you grow more connected to one another on an emotional level.
Besides, if your friends don’t accept you for who you really are, then it’s about time you dropped them like a sack of potatoes.
But remember to use your judgement while you show up with authenticity, because being authentic doesn’t give you the right to be obnoxious.
4. Look on the bright side
Every cloud has a silver lining.
This applies to dealing with jealousy.
If we want to turn our weaknesses into strengths, we have to start looking for the good that comes with them too.
To put it simply, look for ways in which your weakness can be turned into one of the most powerful tools at your disposal.
For example, take your friends’ achievements as your motivation to work harder than before.
Your peers may also use you as an incentive to work hard in order to catch up to you. And the cycle continues. In this way, you build each other up.
5. Shift your focus
Let’s say you’re getting better at reining in your jealous tendencies. That’s awesome. Now’s the time to shift your focus.
Comparing yourself to others is pointless.
Everyone is born different, with varying interests, goals, skills, lifestyles and years of expertise.
You must not undermine someone’s efforts, so it’s not right to ignore yours either.
What you can compare to is the old you.
Work hard for yourself, and not for the approval of others.
Make choices that will help you improve or succeed in the long run.
When you’re feeling discouraged, take time to reflect on where you were years ago and how far you’ve come since then.
Your one and only goal should be to become better than your former self.
Of course, putting these tips into practice is easier said than done and definitely won’t happen overnight.
Even after I have consciously followed these steps, I still feel a tinge of jealousy sometimes.
As the Ancient One from the 2016 Doctor Strange film put it:
“We never lose our demons. We only learn to live above them.”
Let’s do our best together.
Alyson, 16, a student in Kuala Lumpur, is a participant of the BRATs Young Journalist Programme run by The Star’s Newspaper-in-Education (Star-NiE) team.
For more information, go to facebook.com/niebrats.
Now that you have read the article, test your understanding by carrying out the following English language activities.
1 Look in today’s copy of the Sunday Star newspaper for two sports personalities.
Cut their pictures out and paste them in your Star-NiE scrapbook.
Then, create a table listing their respective characteristics, strengths, weaknesses, challenges, accomplishments and dreams.
Then, in another row, list the things one can learn from, and celebrate about, the other. What do you think this can teach you about overcoming jealousy?
2 Is your current self better than your former self from five years ago?
In your scrapbook, create a table to evaluate your growth in terms of your characteristics, strengths, weaknesses, challenges, accomplishments and dreams.
Are you happy with your progress in these areas?
Next, add another column to the table.
In this column, write down where you would like to see yourself in these areas five years from now.
The Star’s Newspaper-in-Education (Star-NiE) programme promotes the use of English language in primary and secondary schools nationwide. For Star-NiE enquiries, email starnie@thestar.com.my.
